Trusting the Process

When unexpected things happen that challenge me to remain positive, it helps to remember the many, many times I have experienced the transformation of negative events eventually into positive crossroads.  With time, experience and reflection, I find often what appears to be tragedy and the darkest night brings with it the greatest opportunity for growth and change.  Those things I am most grateful for now are the very things that I once cursed.  Strange…

I want to remember when I face moments of disappointment and hopelessness that there may be more to the story than I am seeing right now and fortunately it isn't over.  I will give life, myself, and others a chance to unfold.  I do believe all things work for good to those who live in love and trust there is a bigger picture than this moment.

The Gift of Mothering

As I reflect on the honoring of mothers, I am mindful of those who have had an impact on my life.  Some of the mothering I have experienced has nurtured and supported me into being and some of it has wounded and caused distress.  I've discovered a legacy of shame, fear, and grief that was passed through the generations from mother to mother until my mother finally handed it off to me.  However, I refuse to pass on this legacy any further.  I am resolved, it stops here.  I release it back to my maternal ancestors with forgiveness and understanding. 

Today, I hear the echo of their hearts telling me to let it go and giving me permission to create a new legacy of compassion, happiness, and self-acceptance.  I feel gratitude for the many mothers the universe has provided who have offered moments of nourishing, challenging, healing, protecting, teaching, encouraging, embracing, accepting, calling me forward in to life and believing in me.  This is the legacy I am striving to pass on to those whose lives I influence.  

Creating Meaningful Connection

When confronted by someone who is angry, hurt or disappointed in me and something I've said or done, it is so easy to spiral down to a frightened, dis-empowered, rejected space.  Then, there is no possibility of resolution, clarification, connection, or communication.  I either move to fighting back, becoming paralyzed or running away.  This has been a pattern for far too long and I regret the many relationships I have damaged or left behind due to my inability to lower my reactive responses. 

Today, when moments of difficulty arise in relationship I choose to remind myself that I am safe now and able to remain grounded in my ‘enough-ness’.  If I am being disrespected I will protect myself by seting boundaries and insisting on respectful communication.  I will set an intention to understand and create space to listen deeply.  I want to clarify the perceptions of the other person that are causing their reaction and validate their experience, even if I disagree with their interpretation of the facts.  I will imagine a barrier in front of me that protects me from any aggressive energy and concentrate on being curious about what is being said.   Only after the other person acknowledges they feel heard, will I communicate my own thoughts, feelings, and needs about what’s being said.  I know that when I am upset this is what I need from the person I’m confronting.  So I will offer what I would want. 

Then, I will trust that together we will find a way to take accountability for our own pieces in the misunderstanding and co-create a bridge of connection and deeper respect for one another.  I will have gratitude that the other person had the courage to encounter me and valued our relationship enough to not just walk away.  I will appreciate my own willingness to show up and reaffirm my desire to create peaceful, enduring relationships.  Conflict isn't easy but it's definitely manageable if I breathe, soothe myself, and remain present.

Mindful Self Talk

I often find myself saying things to myself that I would never say to someone else.  When I do something I judge as inadequate, I would never say to another person, “You are so stupid, you’ll never get it right.”  When I say something that I regret, I certainly wouldn't tell someone “You have such a big mouth, can’t you keep it shut?”   When I’m frustrated that someone else isn't giving me what I want I wouldn't say “You are such a selfish ______”.   Yet I easily condemn and bad mouth myself. 

Today I choose to be mindful of the words and thoughts I say to myself.  I will treat myself with the compassion, understanding and good will I often offer to others.  I will imagine I am addressing a frightened child who needs to be held and reassured.   When I hear disrespectful thoughts surfacing I will challenge them and patiently forgive myself recognizing it takes time to change a long standing habit.  

I will surround myself with loving kindness.  

Practicing Acceptance

So much of my irritation and frustration with others is connected to my own inability to forgive myself.  I so easily can see in others what I refuse to see in myself.  Today, I choose to practice radical acceptance; acceptance of my own perceived failures and mistakes, acceptance of my reactivity and poor judgments, acceptance of what others have done and my hurt over what I assume to be intended injury.  I realize that most of us are trying to do the best we can and very few people actually have hurt me on purpose.  I choose to accept the feelings and needs I have, even those that are hard to acknowledge.  I value authenticity and its impossible to foster it without acceptance of myself. 
May this day be filled with moments of consciously choosing to accept and forgive.