When
confronted by someone who is angry, hurt or disappointed in me and something I've said or done, it is so easy to spiral down to a frightened, dis-empowered,
rejected space. Then, there is no
possibility of resolution, clarification, connection, or communication. I either move to fighting back, becoming
paralyzed or running away. This has been
a pattern for far too long and I regret the many relationships I have damaged
or left behind due to my inability to lower my reactive responses.
Today,
when moments of difficulty arise in relationship I choose to remind myself
that I am safe now and able to remain grounded in my ‘enough-ness’. If I am being disrespected I will protect myself by seting boundaries and insisting on respectful communication. I will set an intention to understand and
create space to listen deeply. I want to clarify the perceptions of the other person that are causing their reaction
and validate their experience, even if I disagree with their interpretation of
the facts. I will imagine a barrier in
front of me that protects me from any aggressive energy and concentrate on
being curious about what is being said. Only after the other person acknowledges they
feel heard, will I communicate my own thoughts, feelings, and needs about
what’s being said. I know that when I am
upset this is what I need from the person I’m confronting. So I will offer what I would want.
Then, I
will trust that together we will find a way to take accountability for our own
pieces in the misunderstanding and co-create a bridge of connection and deeper
respect for one another. I will have
gratitude that the other person had the courage to encounter me and valued our relationship
enough to not just walk away. I will
appreciate my own willingness to show up and reaffirm my desire to create
peaceful, enduring relationships. Conflict isn't easy but it's definitely manageable if I breathe, soothe myself, and remain present.
No comments:
Post a Comment