When I give help, offer advice, and overdo for others without stopping to consider whether my assistance is needed or wanted, I may be engaging in rescuing behavior. When I feel a need to be useful so that I’ll be accepted, loved and given approval, it’s probably coming from a place of rescuer. When I allow another person to take advantage of me, struggle with saying no, or keep my thoughts and feelings to myself in order to not rock the boat and maintain peace, I’m certainly being a rescuer. What do I lose by denying the costs of these behaviors?
I lose the opportunity to experience being loved and accepted for who I am rather than what I do. At some level, when I rescue, I believe I'm earning the love of another and deserve it. When I don't get what I expect, I can become resentful. I also believe that I might be abandoned or pushed aside if I don't prove my worth and value to you. I might tell myself you’d suffer if I didn’t help you, but perhaps on a deeper level I believe you wouldn’t want to be with me if I didn’t help you. I miss out on trusting in the freely given gift of your love and commitment to me. What a big loss.
Today, I choose to surrender this fear of abandonment and trust that I am a person of worth and value. There is no need to prove my worth; I can relax and accept the gift of love you offer me. Even if you have a temper tantrum when I set a boundary, I will calm my fear of being alone and quiet the impulse to give in to you. I will remind myself that I deserve to be respected, cherished, and loved for the treasure that I am and you deserve the opportunity to empower yourself.
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