PEOPLE PLEASING

When I am driven by the motivation to please others, I abandon myself and sell my soul to the highest bidder.  Suddenly others’ thoughts, feelings and needs become more important than my own.  Then when I face their displeasure, regardless of my attempts to satisfy and appease them, I feel devastated and angry.  Of course, I know it’s impossible to please everyone, however, I still find myself trying to reach this hopeless goal. 

I want to remember today that I am no longer that little child desperately trying to make angry, discontented parents happy; believing that if I could just do enough or do it the ‘right’ way they’d be ‘all better’.  I recognize now how unreasonable and unreachable this belief is.  I am not, and never was, responsible for anyone else’s happiness.  I can choose to let go of this old, irrational belief and tell myself a truer story.  It’s okay to please myself, despite others displeasure.  This doesn’t mean I am selfish or mean. 

Today I will relish the joy I feel and let myself rest even if others dislike it.

NOW LIVING
 
Rushing, rushing, rushing to get ahead and finish projects.  Today I choose to slow down and breathe.  I will savor the moment, recognizing it is NOW and I don’t want to squander it because it will never be this NOW again.    I will allow myself to cherish the encounters I have with others today, rather than crossing them off my to-do list.  I welcome this day with an open heart and a lively sense of spaciousness.

LETTING GO OF EXPECTATIONS

Holding on to expectations creates disappointment, shame, and suffering.  The words SHOULD, MUST, AND OUGHT TO become frequent visitors in my mind and judgmental criticism narrows my vision of myself and others.  I become angry that people don’t behave certain ways or do what I want them to do.  I am disappointed when things happen differently than they are SUPPOSE TO happen.  I speak words of shame to myself when I don’t live up to what I SHOULD.  Somehow I think my plan for the world is the master blueprint for the universe.  I forget that I’m not in control and others aren’t puppets on strings.  I understand that this need to control comes from a frightened, chaotic space within me.

Today, I choose to fill my mind with words of acceptance and reassurance.  I will comfort myself when things don’t turn out the way I want them to turn out.  I will give myself and others permission to be imperfect.  If I am disappointed, rather than descending into judgment, I will see it as an opportunity to grow and clarify my wants and needs.  I let go of expectations and open my mind and heart to myself and others.

  

MANAGING FEAR

Some days fear takes my breath away as I struggle to keep moving forward.  What is it that is creating this feeling?  Do I fear rejection, failure, abandonment, making a mistake or being inadequate, looking like a fool, being out of control or feeling overwhelmed, so many fears circle the tent of my wellbeing.  Patiently and tenderly, I will speak words of reassurance to the scared child within me. 

·        You are loved and accepted. 
·        There is enough resource in the room right now and you can
       always ask for help if you need it.
·        It’s okay to take risks and learn from your experiences.
·        You can take one moment at a time and in this moment there 
       is no danger.
·        You are adequate and have a history of perseverance,  
       determination and success.
·        Everyone is afraid at times, what will help you feel safer right
       now.

Today I will breathe, feel my feet on the floor, and take another step forward trusting my journey is unfolding.

COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS

When I compare myself to others I get stuck in a revolving sibling rivalry contest where there is the illusion of winners and losers. Often I find myself on the loser end of things, believing others have more brains, beauty, opportunities, money, luck, happiness, talent, the list is endless and I rarely measure up. Occasionally, I am on the winner end, and begin thinking I’m ‘better than’ and slip into a narcissistic heaven filled with judgment and expectations. Clearly, there are times when competition motivates me to achieve and move forward, however, usually it ends up fostering envy, resentment, greed and discontent. 

I choose today to focus on being and having enough. 
                 My journey is unique and so is yours.

AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

I want to cultivate an attitude of gratitude today. Thankfulness for the people in my life, those I love and those I struggle to understand. Gratefulness for the events of this day, the ones that bring blessing, as well as, the ones that bring disappointment. Admiration for the beauty of the world I live in, taking time to acknowledge the birds singing, the trees reaching in all directions, the environment I sometimes take for granted. Mindfulness of my own inner resources and recognition that those dark moments I may experience today are fostering my growth and resilience if I remain open minded and receptive.  

I choose to open my eyes to the gifts this day holds with a grateful heart and mind and will whisper words of thanks often.

I AM SAFE NOW

Reaching out, opening up, allowing others to know me is scary and challenging. Once upon a time it was necessary to protect myself by running away and hiding, however, these old defenses no longer serve their purpose. I am safe now. I can choose to be seen and heard without fear of being overwhelmed by negative consequences. I can decide what to share when, knowing I have a right to speak up or stay silent without inner or outer criticism and judgment. I can move towards another with an open heart or elect to set a boundary and demand that it be respected without guilt or caving in to pressure. 

Today, I will listen to what I need, acknowledge my ability to keep myself safe, and give myself permission to connect and be known.

RESCUING

“Here I come to save the day!” has been my motto for as long as I can remember. Assuming responsibility for another’s thoughts, feelings, and needs is often an exhausting and frustrating experience. Temporarily I may feel relief and the person I rescued may be pacified, but it is only a very brief respite before the next catastrophe arises. 

Today, I recognize my attempts at fixing and helping often end up creating a sense of shame, criticism, and blame, not to mention, stripping the other person of a sense of self-empowerment. I choose to manage my own fears and need for control and refrain from giving uninvited or unwelcome ‘help’ or advice. When someone asks for my help, I will remember that I have a right to say yes or no and that choosing to set a boundary is not only respectful but a caring way to send a message of “I believe in you.” I will keep my feet firmly planted on my own path and give myself permission to be “self-full”.

TRUST THE PROCESS

I choose to open my heart and mind to surprise, spontaneity and flow today.  Keeping at bay the need for control, desire to be perfect, and fear of 'what if.'  I will remember that the day is unfolding filled with marvelous opportunities to be loved and show love. Whenever I hit the walls of challenge and difficulty (whether my own or others') I will breathe, ground myself, and allow compassion and creativity to surround me. I can trust the process.