Why are my
heart and hands closed today? What
prevents me from receiving? It is
bitterness and resentment that block grace from entering my heart. As I hold on to old hurts and wounds I am
creating only more hurt and wounding.
Freedom will only come when I allow forgiveness to enter the scene. Today I choose to let go of the ways in which
I believe others have judged and harmed me.
I am unwilling to bind myself in cords of distrust, anger, and
grievance. These cords only serve to
paralyze me and hold me back from being able to appreciate and dance in this
moment. I speak to those who I have held
captive in my memories. “I forgive you and release you from your debt. You can no longer hurt me and I have no
desire to get even with you. I am not
your victim.” I choose now to open my heart to the love that surrounds me. The tightly clenched fists which I have held
up for so long can relax and finally open up to receive the love that surrounds
me. And yet I find another block . . .
Not only
have I prosecuted others, I have also accused myself. And so I choose to release myself from guilt
over the ways I have harmed and judged others.
Perhaps I have repeated behavior I was taught from other prisoners or
maybe I needed to protect myself from real or perceived dangers, regardless I
no longer need to hold others accountable for my happiness. I release myself from this self-imposed
prison. I speak to myself, “I forgive
you and release you from your guilt. You
have made amends and deserve freedom. The doors of your prison cell are unlocked
and you are free to move forward, if you dare.” I choose to dare . . .
Fear and distrust are so strongly entrenched that it takes more than the desire to move forward and allow those unfulfilled needs to be safely nurtured. More than just desire, it's a need that is omnipresent. Knowing what is wanted and needed isn't a question that plagues me, I have always known what I want. Emerging from the shadows of a dark and painful past is a journey that no one should have to be burdened with...we all should have innocence of childhood. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.
ReplyDeleteWhat prevents me from receiving? That would be myself. This is no surprise. The surprise is that as I allow those tightly clenched fists which I have held up for so long to loosen just a bit I have finally been able to feel some of the love that surrounds me. It is a powerful feeling that confuses me in that I don't have the background knowledge or experience to be able to frame it appropriately.
I hold no one responsible for my happiness other than myself. I have created my own self-imposed prison but I am working to step outside the gates. So, I guess I do take the dare, and although I have not enlightened myself to the point of being able to forgive and I certainly make the choice never to forget, I also choose to want to heal