Dealing With Blah Days

Some days are simply ‘blah’ days.  There is no excitement, no despair, no intensity and sluggish energy.  The sun is hidden and the sky is grey.  On days like this, it can be difficult to keep moving with positivity and hope.  However, the next 24 hours may hold hidden treasures.  There could be precious moments of unexpected connection, restful opportunities to breathe and just be, surprising encounters, and time to explore nature’s splendor; anything’s possible. 

I choose to be right where I am and breathing in acceptance and surrendering the need to control.  I will rest in the silence and stillness, recognizing this as gift.  I will allow the beauty of this day to speak to my heart in unanticipated ways.  I can let go and relax.

Letting Go of Shame

Shame feels like a sticky substance that becomes attached to my experience and is extremely difficult to remove, despite numerous attempts.  Shame is created by my interpretation of an event; the thoughts I have about what I or someone else says or doesn’t say, does or doesn’t do.  Shame makes me want to hide, defend myself, or run away.  It follows me wherever I go and results in isolation, embarrassment, humiliation, and rejection of myself and others. 

Today, I will face the shame I feel and wash myself clean in a shower of affirmation and acceptance.  I am human and imperfect. Although, I am limited and at times lacking judgment, I can transform my perceived mistakes into important moments of learning.  I will acknowledge the distortions of truth that generate shame and remind myself of my worth and value and that no one can make me feel inadequate or less than without my permission.   I will wrap myself in the warmth of unconditional love, forgive myself, and release the shame I feel.  Freedom from my own shame increases my ability to accept and love those around me. 

May we have the wisdom and strength to let go of  shame and build bonds of connection and peace.

Believing in Self

Trusting myself to be adequate and up to a task can sometimes be daunting.  Self-doubt, lack of confidence, fear of others’ judgment, the need to be in control, an overly active inner critic are but a few of the blocks that plague and trouble me. 

 

Today, I choose to focus on believing in myself, others, and the process.  I will remind myself that perfection is only an illusion and adequacy is a much more attainable goal.  I will remember the moments of accomplishment I have experienced and reflect on the feedback received in these moments.  It’s a good day to take risks and trust I can handle whatever unfolds.  Asking for support is always an option, since I do not travel this road alone.  I am up to whatever this day holds. 

Authenticity

Being ME can be difficult when I’m frightened.  There are many camouflages I find myself using to handle my scare.  Sometimes, I shrink down in size and blend in so I don’t stand out.  At other times, I become bigger than I feel and over-exaggerate who I am in order to impress and get others to back off.  Occasionally, I will become confrontational and argumentative to defend myself.  I also can try to paint myself as pitiful and uncomprehending to avoid taking accountability.  Once in a while, I become very helpful and rush around trying to fix everything to keep peace at all costs.  These behaviors take so much energy and tire me out.  They also prevent others from really knowing me and sometimes even alienate me from my own awareness of self. 

 

Today, I will recognize when I am using any of these behaviors.  I will take time to explore what I feel and need.  I will choose to affirm, comfort, or nurture myself with reassurance of my enough-ness.  It is safe to be ME, I can abandon my defenses and connect with others as the authentic person I am.   If I notice you using these behaviors, I will release my judgments and recognize how scary it is to just be real.  I will reach out my hand in friendship and hope to meet you, being you, in the middle.

Smile, Breathe, Release

• Is it safe to let my guard down to breathe and relax? 
• Do I need to be on high alert ready to respond to danger throughout this day? 
• Are the people in my life truly trustworthy? 
• Can I stop this ceaseless worry and concern?

Today I will stand still and breathe knowing that impending danger is not present and there is no evidence that I need to strive so hard for control.  I can unclench my fists and face this day with open hands.  I am alive and well.  There is adequate resource available, enough love, and plenty of space to be for now.  I would rather enjoy with gratitude than hold on by my fingertips.   

I smile, breathe and release.

Holding Up the Mirror

It has been challenging, at times, to see myself as I really am.  A distorted image that says I am a selfish, mean-spirited, cold-hearted, undeserving, stupid, ugly, shameful person can call my name and try to convince me it’s real.  I feel VERY fortunate to have had good friends over the years that have held up mirrors for me to look into.  They have listened, accepted and validated my thoughts, feelings, and needs.  They have seen through the distortion I believed to my very essence.   Through their actions, words and eyes, my friends helped me clean my inner mirror so it reflects a more true and authentic vision of who I am.  I will always be grateful for this generous gift.

Today, it is my intention to be a compassionate and clear reflection pond for the many others I meet who struggle to see through their own distorted inner mirror.   I will hold up the mirror for them just as others have held it up for me.  It’s probably the most precious gift I could ever pass on.  What a re-gift!

Removing the Invisibiity Cloak

Being invisible is no longer an option for me.  When I was younger, I learned that remaining unseen was a far safer way to avoid pain and hurt than letting others know what I think, feel and need.  I allowed the people in my life to dictate my direction in order to prevent conflict.  There was rarely, if ever, an interest in my perspective or needs so it was not difficult to remain hidden.  In the process I became unknown even to myself.  Eventually, I lost awareness of my own thoughts, feelings, and needs.  Although I’m pretty sure somewhere inside me I must have remembered because my body experienced anxiety, anger, depression and resentment. 

 

Now, I have re-discovered the person who was hidden inside.  I have unearthed the buried treasure within and in the process learned to acknowledge and express what I find there.  I will no longer hide in the shadows, suppressing my truth.  I can speak what I know and recognize the reward of being seen.  I have found others show up for me and are interested in what I think, feel, and need.  The pleasure of being seen, loved and valued is way more satisfying than the invisibility cloak I wore before.  Today, I will allow you to know me and step out of the shadows.

Releasing Guilt

I am not responsible for your happiness, despite your attempts to convince me otherwise.  You’d think that my unsuccessful efforts to fix you or satisfy your demands would convince you the answer lies somewhere else.  But obviously that just isn’t the case.  I face an empty well of need no matter how much I pour in and I am aware I prevent you from discovering your own power and answers by trying to provide them for you.  So, I retire from taking responsibility for your life satisfaction.  This job belongs to you not me.

Today, I choose to respectfully set boundaries when you bombard me with your drama.  If I experience guilt, I will recognize it is an old behavior pattern that has manipulated me in the past but no longer serves me.  I will release myself from guilt and affirm my belief in your ability to provide for yourself.  Choosing to say no to you gives me room to say yes to me.  This is not selfish; rather it is a means of wishing you empowerment and growth.

Where is Happiness?

When I allow my happiness and sense of well-being to be determined by other people and outside things or situations,  then it seems to slip away and I feel like a yo yo being jerked around by life. However, when my happiness is defined by my own inner sense of worth and value it is much harder to lose.  Finding my worth and value has been a challenge and I needed help to see myself as a person who deserved happiness since I grew up with so many unhappy people around me who didn’t show me that my feelings and needs mattered.   

 

Today, I know that I am ultimately responsible for my own life satisfaction.  I will pay attention to what matters to me, speak up for myself when necessary, examine when change is needed and affirm over and over a belief in my worth and value.  I will reach out for support from people who believe in me and encourage me to be accountable rather than depending on others who try to fix me to reinforce their own ego needs.  I can be my own best friend.

Inner Parenting

Today I can hear the voice of my inner child saying ‘but I don’t wanna’.  I am very grateful for the inner parent part of me I have worked so hard to develop.  This is a parent that loves, challenges, coaxes, guides, and encourages and who is very different than what I experienced originally.  Without this part of me, I can be very mean to myself or completely neglectful.  Through the patient coaching and modeling of others, I have learned to become the parent I so desperately needed.

 

I reflect with gratitude on those who have walked this journey with me.  I choose to treat myself with the conscious intention of compassion and balance they have shown me.  I will wrap my heart around my inner child patiently listening to her feelings and tenderly caring for her needs.