BOUNDARIES

Boundaries can be so confusing and complicated.  There are so many kinds of them:  physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, intellectual, professional, personal, environmental, cultural, and probably many others.  In addition, some of my boundaries are very rigid and inflexible, some are easily influenced by others opinions, some are very weak, some are flexible and ever-changing, some are resilient.   I recognize that boundaries help me to define myself and give me a sense of identity, and yet many times I am unaware of how they affect the decisions I make daily.  My beliefs about when to say yes or no to how or when I choose to be touched, who I invite into my space, what I want to do or not do, whether or not it’s okay to have my own thoughts and feelings and let others have theirs too, all of these things have changed many times over the years.   I imagine my boundaries will continue to shift as I clarify my beliefs, expand my consciousness, and redefine who I am and who you are. 

Today I want to increase awareness of my boundaries.  I will modify those that no longer meet my needs and give myself permission to utilize those that do.  I will respect others’ boundaries and remind myself that boundaries create healthy connections within me and with you.

MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES

I can make healthy choices if I choose to do so.  No one else is responsible for the choices I make.  There are times when I like to blame other people or situations for my feelings and actions.  I tell myself: ‘I’m too tired to go for a walk today’ or ‘I’d rather eat junk food than fix a healthy meal’ or ‘I don’t have time to meditate or be still’; but I am aware that these are excuses and easy outs.  The consequence of continual poor choices tends to be illness, depression, and shame and these outcomes are not options I want in my life.

Abundance surrounds me and today I will be more conscious of the wide range of choice I have when I am tempted to fall into old familiar routines and habits.  I can determine what will support my health and well-being and motivate myself to move in that direction.  I choose to see myself as empowered and responsible rather than stuck in a victim mode.  Today I choose life and will make one healthy choice at a time.

 

UNPLUGGING FROM CHAOS

Life is so busy and moving so quickly.  From the moment I gain consciousness in the morning I am bombarded with input from outside sources.  Voicemail, email, IMs, news shows, Facebook, Twitter, friends, family, work all clamoring for my immediate attention.  It is very difficult to block out all the noise and find enough stillness to hear the voice inside me.  The voice that informs me of what it is I need, what I feel; the voice that affirms I am a human being and not a human doing.  When I move too quickly or respond out of habit instead of choice, I lose my center and grounded-ness.  Suddenly, outside forces control my attention, I’m swept up in the momentum of anxiety and I find myself lost in the midst of others’ needs, thoughts, and problems.  In the end I become resentful, inpatient, unhappy, and over time depressed.

Today, I choose to give myself permission to slow down and take time to breathe and be still.  I will listen to my own feelings and needs and savor the quiet.  Very little in this day is an emergency, I can choose to move at my own pace and stay in my own process.  Things will still get done: emails sent, calls returned, people attended to, work done.  I want to remember to unplug from the rushing flow of outside noise for short times throughout this day and remember to breathe and just be.

EXPRESSING ANGER

Expressing anger can be a difficult task, I find it difficult to remain assertive, direct, and respectful.  Sometimes it’s so easy to become reactive and say or do things that I later regret.  Other times, I want to freeze, run away, hide, and wait until the ‘storm clouds’ are gone.  Having had the experience of anger being expressed irresponsibly; I tend to shy away from it until it has built into an erupting volcano.  Then I find myself repeating a pattern of expression that I swore I would never repeat.  Having been blamed for things that weren’t my fault; I can easily be triggered into thinking I’m being targeted unfairly.  Then I become enraged and rant about the injustice being committed, even though the injustice I’m reacting to really happened a long time ago. 

Today, I choose to recognize when I am having a reactive response and take time to center myself before I respond.  I can be curious about my feelings and ask myself ‘what am I hurt, scared, disappointed, frustrated, confused about’, often it’s not really anger.  I can explore how I’m interpreting what is going on and determine if I’m overgeneralizing or catastrophizing or only looking at part of the picture.  I can check out my perceptions to make sure they are accurate.  I can invite the younger part of myself to let me know what she/he needs and make sure there is safety and protection.   I can make the decision to speak up for myself assertively and let others know what I think, feel, and need in response to their behavior.  I can set boundaries if unreasonable demands are being made of me.   

I have many more inner resources than when I was younger at my disposal now.  I am no longer powerless or vulnerable.  I know how to ask for help if I need it and rather than using my power to control or harm, I can focus on empowering myself.

 

FEELINGS

My feelings are my friend.  At times, it’s tempting to push them away, hide them inside, or rationalize them away; especially the ones I expect to be minimized, judged or misunderstood by others.  Frequently it’s my own rejection of myself that I project on to those around me.  As I accept the value and validity of my emotions and have the courage to express them, amazingly, those around me often open their hearts to hear and validate my experience.  When this doesn’t happen, no longer do I need to shut down and withdraw.  There is room for my feelings just as there is room for yours.  I don’t have to negate my own experience in order for you to have yours.  I choose to remember this today.

 

 

  RESPONSIBILITY FOR HAPPINESS

If I were taking a fill-in-the-blank test and the question “Who is responsible for your happiness?” was on it, I know the answer would be “I am”. However there are some moments when I would definitely fill in others’ names and situations. Someone says or does something, or doesn’t say or do something I’m expecting, things don’t go as I planned or situations occur that get in my way and I am very quick to assign blame for my frustration and discontent. Suddenly I’m in the old role of victim and life is happening TO me. I have the illusion of no control or responsibility for my own happiness. I give away my power sinking into ‘poor me’ and feeling angry and resentful. I can even look for ways to make others feel guilty for not pleasing me.

I no longer choose to live from this familiar victim mentality. I know that if I am disappointed, frustrated, or upset about something someone does or doesn’t do, I have the power to speak up and express myself. I recognize that when things don’t go as planned I can look for ways to modify what’s happening or change my strategy. Today I will take responsibility for the younger part of myself that wants to blame others and gently nurture, listen, and reassure. I am accountable for my own happiness.

MAKING ASSUMPTIONS

How often have I heard “Well, I assumed that…” or have I thought “That must mean…”  Assumptions and judgments so easily warp my reality.  They convince me that my interpretations are justified and that my perceptions are ‘the truth’.  Sometimes, I forget that although my thoughts and feelings are valid they aren’t necessarily facts.  My assumptions tend to be built on old expectations of rejection, betrayal, and hurt.  When I jump to conclusions and then act on them, I increase my distress, which creates chaos for myself and others, and prevents the connection I desire.  

Today, I will check out my judgments before I act.  I will steer clear of assumptions and ask for clarification to be sure I am hearing accurately before I solidify my experience into fact.  I will be curious, open my mind to alternative interpretations and modify my beliefs when needed.   I choose to listen to what you are saying rather than what I expect you to say.