EXPRESSING ANGER

Expressing anger can be a difficult task, I find it difficult to remain assertive, direct, and respectful.  Sometimes it’s so easy to become reactive and say or do things that I later regret.  Other times, I want to freeze, run away, hide, and wait until the ‘storm clouds’ are gone.  Having had the experience of anger being expressed irresponsibly; I tend to shy away from it until it has built into an erupting volcano.  Then I find myself repeating a pattern of expression that I swore I would never repeat.  Having been blamed for things that weren’t my fault; I can easily be triggered into thinking I’m being targeted unfairly.  Then I become enraged and rant about the injustice being committed, even though the injustice I’m reacting to really happened a long time ago. 

Today, I choose to recognize when I am having a reactive response and take time to center myself before I respond.  I can be curious about my feelings and ask myself ‘what am I hurt, scared, disappointed, frustrated, confused about’, often it’s not really anger.  I can explore how I’m interpreting what is going on and determine if I’m overgeneralizing or catastrophizing or only looking at part of the picture.  I can check out my perceptions to make sure they are accurate.  I can invite the younger part of myself to let me know what she/he needs and make sure there is safety and protection.   I can make the decision to speak up for myself assertively and let others know what I think, feel, and need in response to their behavior.  I can set boundaries if unreasonable demands are being made of me.   

I have many more inner resources than when I was younger at my disposal now.  I am no longer powerless or vulnerable.  I know how to ask for help if I need it and rather than using my power to control or harm, I can focus on empowering myself.