CHANGING

I wish change were easier.  Looking at nature around me I see change all over the place.  Leaves are falling off trees, caterpillars are transforming in cocoons, plants look like they are dying as they wait for next Spring to bloom again.  Change requires letting go and surrendering 'what is' for the hope of what will be.  It’s so hard to let go of beliefs about myself and the world that used to work but are beginning to show evidence of not working any longer.  Beliefs like:  “I must be perfect to be loved.”  “I have to please others and make them happy even if it’s not good for me.”  “Life should be fair.”  It’s so hard to let go of wanting to be right and have control of outcomes.  It requires a great deal of trust and hope to transform and grow.

Today I am going to admire the leaves as they release their grip on the limb they cling to and gracefully fall to the ground.  I’m going to admire the tree that surrenders them trusting that new life will return.  As I face the people around me who don’t want me to set boundaries or say no, as I struggle with my own vulnerability and admit my need for others, as I let go of needing to have things my way; I will breathe, envision the strength of a tree firmly rooted to the ground, open my heart and surrender to change.

 

SAYING GOODBYE

Saying goodbye is hard work.  Sometimes people leave before we are ready to let them go.  Unexpected death or illness occurs, divorce happens, friends move, jobs end, we grow apart, so many disruptions prevent healthy endings. I tell myself tomorrow I will let others know how much I appreciate their presence in my life; tomorrow I will take the time to say I love you.  I postpone until it’s too late and feel regret and sadness at having unfinished closings.  Other times I allow my anger, hurt, close-mindedness and resentment build walls of separation which prevent me from finding reconciliation, forgiveness and peace.  I may feel justified maintaining interpersonal war but ultimately I only hurt myself by holding on to grudges and I wind up with additional incomplete endings. 

I know that the unfinished goodbyes in my life prevent me from being open to new beginnings.  I choose to find ways to let go of those experiences and people I hold on to that I need to surrender.  I will open my heart to grieve my losses, forgive the damages done, and acknowledge with gratitude the love received.  I will not forget fond memories and moments of joy but rather treasure them in my heart.  I want to be available and accessible for new relationships and experiences unfolding before me here and now.  So, I choose to work at saying healthy goodbyes today.

 

 

SELF-CARE

It can be tempting to forget about self-care.  So many worthy causes clamor for my attention, demanding that I drop my plans for good nutrition, exercise, meditation, setting boundaries.  Whispered words echo in my mind about my selfishness, laziness, ineptitude, and narcissism overwhelming my good intentions and then ‘the best laid plans’ are put aside.  Next, the shaming voice of condemnation accuses me of incomplete promises and once again I am overwhelmed by guilt and discouragement.  I am tired of this wasted energy and inaction.

Today, I choose to turn the volume up on the healthy voices within me reminding me to take my time, breathe, mindfully attend to my needs, and treat myself with compassion.  I will slow down and look for balance between self-care and other-care.  I will remember that I invite others to treat me the way I treat myself.  I deserve to be treated just as well as I would treat others.  Today I will nurture and care for myself with loving kindness.

 

SAYING YES TO ME

It is so very easy to find myself in the rescuer role.  Someone makes a request and before I know it I say okay, rather than setting a boundary.  I’m asked to go along with something I don’t want to do and rather than standing my ground, I say yes to avoid conflict.  Unfortunately, the conflict still exists it’s just inside me now as I wrestle with resentment and bitterness and grow angry at myself for backing down.  I start to feel sorry for myself and try to justify my action by saying ‘Well, I didn’t really have a choice.’   I forget that I gave away my power and choice.

Today I want to remain centered in my truth and strong in my commitment to set healthy emotional boundaries.  I will say no, even if it creates struggle.  I will remind myself that I am not responsible for making those around me happy. I will express my feelings, thoughts and needs assertively and allow others to deal with their own disappointment and frustration.  I have a right to take care of myself even if it inconveniences or displeases someone else.  I will remain conscious of the choices I make today and say yes to me.

COURAGE

Where is my courage?  It seems to have dissolved into nothingness.  I know that I have possessed it in the past.  I have shown bravery in the face of defeat and not given up.  I have let go of security and safety to change and take risks.  I have dared to believe in myself and others despite disappointments and betrayals.   I have moved forward when my heart was devastated and my thoughts have said to ‘quit’.  I have persevered trusting in the new beginning and imagining more than a dead end.

I will acknowledge the guts it has taken to get this far.  Once again, I let go of the fears that try to hold me down and the expectations that hold me back.  I move forward wrapped in my own arms of compassion and strength and comforted by others’ support and encouragement.  Rather than shrink away from this day, I choose to expand and embrace it. 

BREATHE

I breathe today, another opportunity to live, laugh and grow.  I breathe out yesterday, the past, remembered sorrows and joys.  Inhaling possibility and newness, exhaling old ideas and lost chances; I open myself to what this day holds.   Grounded in stillness breathing in this moment, aware of my connection with all that is, has been and will be; I intend to remain present and centered in now.  As the energy of this day pulses around me I invite it into my heart.  I envision compassion, peace, prosperity and health stepping into the moments that surround me one breath at a time.

 

LET GO OR HOLD ON?

There is a time to hang on and a time to let go.  It is can be confusing to distinguish between when I need to persevere versus surrender and release.  Is my white-knuckled grip due to my many fears of failing, giving up, losing control, letting others down, being seen as a loser, or not being sure what waits beyond?  Am I being driven by the old messages reminding me that I must try harder, not show weakness, be perfect, please others, and hurry up?  Am I fooling myself when I say I am diligent, devoted, determined, and filled with purposeful resolve?  So many questions to be asked. 

Today, I choose to center myself with an open mind, open heart, and open hands.  I will have a willingness to let go of my agenda if needed.  I will listen within to clarify my motivations and intentions.  I will follow my heart and trust that doors will appear as I move forward.  I will knock on these doors and look for the ones that are open rather than trying to break down the locked ones.  I can let go, relax and trust myself and the universe.