ONE CHOICE AT A TIME

Persistence and determination pay off in the sense of empowerment that comes from meeting hard won goals.  Everyday thoughts of giving up or giving in tempt me to lose hope and succumb to defeat.  I am confronted by persuasive options to choose poorly and sometimes I surrender to the pressure to stop believing in myself or others.  Fortunately, I have the opportunity to make many choices in one day and can decide to change my mind and get back on the track to success.

Today, I will make one choice at a time.  When the self-defeating thoughts ambush me, I will remind myself of the many goals I have reached through steadfast diligence.  I will recognize the payoffs and costs of my decision in order to decrease my ambivalence.  I will breathe and remember that the difference between success and failure is all the many tiny decisions I make this day. 

 

TUNE OUT SHAME

Shame runs rampant within and around me.  Voices inside of me speak of my inadequacy.  They point out my mistakes and tell me having needs or showing vulnerability proves I’m not enough.  I’m reminded over and over keep changing, keep trying, keep striving.  Voices around me shout out in so many ways, compete, be number one, own more to be more, get ahead, prove your worth and value…  I am tired of listening to the inner and outer voices and working so hard to be okay.

Today, I choose to change the channel on the inner radio of my mind and turn down the outside volume.  I accept myself for who I am and give myself permission to relax and enjoy being.  If I make a mistake, I will acknowledge it, learn the lesson it holds and take accountability when needed.  I remove the expectation of being perfect.  I will slow down, breathe and enjoy being me.  Then I can truly enjoy accepting and being with you.   

I WILL DANCE

Holding on tightly to what I know, believe, want, feel, need, or think doesn’t work very well for me.  It’s important to be steadfast; however, there seems to be a difference between standing strong in the face of opposition with an open heart and clinging to my perceptions with closed fists and an unwillingness to move.  I want to remain authentic and sincere about my core beliefs and yet have an eagerness to grow and change when needed.  I know I can never have all the answers or understand all the questions, so being exposed and influenced by new ideas is important.  I also think at one time certain ways of thinking served me and over the course of time they no longer fit my experience. 

For now, I will stand on the solid ground of my beingness, but I won’t stand still.  I will dance.  

STAYING IN PRESENCE

In the midst of the worst chaos peace can be found by entering into presence.  Breathing connects me to my body and keeps me centered.  Without this grounding I become uprooted and blown about like tumbleweed, my emotions explode like fireworks igniting into sparks of reactivity.  It becomes difficult to listen or even see what is going on clearly.  I am lost and begin to create even greater turmoil than already exists.

I will remain aware of the road signs that lead to this familiar land of the lost.  Today, I choose to travel a different direction.  I will be mindful of my breathing, listen to my heart, and be reminded of the support that surrounds me.  I will reach out with compassionate presence when needed and set respectful boundaries if required.  One moment at a time.

 

BEING HONEST

It is my responsibility to express my feelings respectfully and honestly.  At times so much fear gets in the way of being able to do this.  I resort to making passive aggressive remarks or nonverbal gestures and facial expressions that end up wounding and making the situation worse than it needs to be.  Sometimes I rationalize away my feelings or hide them behind busyness, eating or drinking.  However, I end up paying a toll for this form of expression with physical illness, addiction, and depression.  Certainly my family never taught me to speak directly; instead I learned it could be dangerous to speak up.  Learning the tools to communicate my feelings and needs assertively takes time, courage and practice.   

Today, I choose to take the risk of direct and honest expression; reminding myself that I am no longer in my dysfunctional family of origin.  I will give myself permission to practice new behavior and acknowledge my bravery when I do so.  I can speak up even about topics that are hard for me to talk about.  I have a right to choose how and when I express myself.

STAYING PRESENT

Shifting and changing, holding on and letting go, knowing and not knowing; there are days when the dance through life feels more difficult than others.  In these moments it is important to remain centered and to breathe, standing still deeply rooted to the ground of my being.  Letting go of the need to know the answers or to fill my day with busyness, to cling to the past or push forward anxiously into the future.  Today, I will stand still and acknowledge my losses, breathe in the present moment and allow the presence of now to fill my heart.  I am here and all is well IN THIS MOMENT. 
 

SEEKING PEACE

It is very sad to think about the ways in which humans strike out and destroy life.  Events occur, words are spoken, misunderstandings happen, judgments are made, anger and resentment are flamed into firestorms, pain is inflicted; it is certainly discouraging and heartbreaking.  Today I choose to examine the judgments I make about the actions and words of myself and others.  Rather than holding on to old hurts and bitterness, I am convicted to move towards forgiveness and reconciliation.  Instead of treating myself with contempt and belittlement I will nurture self-acceptance and open-mindedness within so I can pass it on to others.  I intend to foster kindness and respect in my interactions and seek to build up connection and compassion.  I refuse to be pulled into others’ chaos and drama, however, will invite them into my peace.

I AM ALIVE

Facing today I am alive.  My body breathes as my lungs fill up and empty out, my heart pumps blood through veins and arteries, my muscles tense and relax, my nervous system hums with the flow of my energy.  It is easy to believe that I am a head full of thoughts and lose touch with the body that supports my thinking and feeling.  As I move through the busyness of this day I will return my awareness to my breathing and being; recognizing I am more than my continual doing and striving.  I set an intention of awareness to breathe and BE.

BEING BORN AGAIN

I choose to let go of past hurts and offenses.  I acknowledge that damage was done and has rippled through my life.  I allow myself to feel the sadness of regret and the pain of unmet expectations and needs.  It was what it was, unintentional neglect and wounding that was fostered by the disease of addiction and generational hurting passed down unconsciously from one ancestor to the next.  I release myself from the imprisonment of resentment and sadness, as well as the need to continue to  pass it on to others.

Today I resolve to live in the present, recognizing the spaciousness within my being to create healing, forgiveness, and peace.  A day of possibility and promise dawns.

NOW or THEN

Letting go of what was and accepting what is, not easy to do.  Rationally it makes no sense to cling to a past that no longer exists.  This only increases my suffering.  I know this truth and yet I still allow fear of the unknown to cloud my vision and bind me.  I refuse to accept that change is inevitable and try to hold on to what is no longer mine. 

I will acknowledge and grieve what has passed and release it with gratitude for what it has meant to me.   I will welcome what is in this moment and remain present to it so I can see the gifts NOW holds.  I choose to dwell in the house of today, while honoring what has come before.

 

LIFE GOES ON

At times it seems as though there is no way out of a situation.  The doors all remain closed, no windows are open, and an impasse is reached.  What now?  Do I panic, pout, pound the door down, pretend I don’t care?  I have tried all of these behaviors and none work very well.  What does bring some relief is the belief that growth and goodness come from every situation and to remember I am just in the middle of the story.  Eventually, faith wins out and I am able to see beyond the borders of my vision.  Life goes on, usually in ways that far surpass where I’ve been in the past. 

Today I will live in this present moment, trusting in the hope I don’t quite see yet.

SELF-CARE IS SACRED GROUND

There are moments when listening to my own thoughts, feelings and needs becomes very difficult because others needs seem to shout out for attention.  It is much easier to give in to the loudest voice unless I am physically sick or deeply depressed.  When I was younger I was expected to set aside my own interests and show up to take care of my parents and siblings.  I’ve been role trained well to be a people pleasing rescuer, but I am tired of this behavior.  It is too costly to avoid care of myself.  I no longer choose to wait until I am worn out, sick, and hurting to look after myself.

I will listen to the voice within me and remain mindful of my own needs.  There is a difference between being selfish and ‘self-ful’.  I have so much more to offer when I give to myself first.  When others express disappointment or anger at my choices, I will remind myself that I can breathe and allow them their feelings.  It’s not my job to make others happy.  I deserve to be nurtured and supported and rather than waiting for someone else to do it for me, I will listen to my own voice and be mindful of my needs.  Self care is sacred ground and this is my starting place today.

LOOK BEYOND

I choose to look beyond today, beyond appearances, beyond judgments, beyond temporary feelings.  I can get caught up in thinking ‘this is the end’ and forget there is so much I can’t yet understand or see.  I can easily fall into discrimination without questioning my assumptions.  I can decide life is unfair or project my own darkness onto others when I lose touch with my inner voice.

Today I will remain mindful of the critical voice within me and recognize it as a defense I no longer require.  Rather I will look beyond and know there is more going on than I can currently discern.  I trust in the goodness of others and the value of myself.  We are all more alike than we are different.  I will look beyond the mess I see so that I can set myself and others free.

REMEMBERING

I am blessed to have good friends who support and encourage me.  When I become despondent and feel depressed, I will remember the many moments of connection and compassion that strengthen and reassure me.  Today I will spend time remembering I am not walking alone on this journey.  I will recall shared memories of joy, doubt, and even sadness, but not isolation.  I will bring to mind the voice of love that whispers in my soul and allow it to comfort me.  I will move into this day with a grounded sense of purpose, resilience and sacred boldness.

 

EASY DOES IT

Where is the middle way?  Moderation is very difficult to find at times.  It’s so easy to fall into all or nothing thinking and living.  Today I will notice my language.  How often do I use the words: always, never, everyone, no one, totally, all the time …?   I will be mindful of my judgments: do I listen or make assumptions?  I will pay attention to my behavior: Am I acting impulsively? Overworking? Overeating? Overreacting? Overprotecting?

I choose to search for balance today and to practice self-control.  I will breathe and ground myself knowing that in this moment I can surrender my need to live in the extremes and be present with an open mind and open heart.

FEARLESS CONFIDENCE

Today I will step forward with fearless confidence, assured that the strength, wisdom, and resources I need for this day are available.  I will trust that others will show up for me in the ways I need their support, just as I will be present for others.  I will rest in my belief that my higher power sustains me and is faithfully providing me with all I need.  When doubt in myself, others, or my higher power creeps into the recesses of my mind, I will reaffirm my convictions quietly and persistently.  I have all I need for these 24 hours.  I am enough. 

VALUING RESILIENCE

Resilience is born from the fires of hardship and pain.  Along the walk through the ‘valley of death’, somewhere, the strength of resilience was experienced and claimed.  It became part of the arsenal of survival skills that developed along the journey.  I forget, at times, all I have within to withstand adversity.  I want to remember, especially during fearful moments, the ability I have developed to endure.  Resilience to stand strong in my knowledge of what I know to be true, willingness to breathe deeply and take another step when times are hard, strength to experience my feelings and recognize what I need, trust in myself to risk vulnerability and trust one more time; these are qualities I admire both in myself and those who are my heroes. 

Today I will appreciate my resilience and recognize the value of this prize.

 

HAPPINESS

I deserve to be happy.  It is easy to discount or minimize this belief when I look around and see so many who are suffering and hurting.  How can I feel so good when others are in a depressed and gloomy place? Is it compassionate and caring to feel content and at peace when others suffer?  Then, I remind myself of the times when I am sad and remember how encouraged I feel to know that happiness is possible.  I reflect on the times others have reached out to share comfort and encouragement.  Although I may feel jealous or envious of the joy I see in them, I also recognize that feelings are temporary and soon I will feel differently.  On the other side of sadness is joy.  It doesn't have to be all one or all the other. 

Happiness is an inside job after all and not dependent on external events (although it is wonderful when the outside cooperates).  Feeling happy within myself, at peace with the various fragments of me, reaching out to share hope with others, and being open to life creates joy. I will allow myself to breathe in the peace I feel inside and smile.  I will share that smile with those I encounter knowing in this moment I deserve to be happy and so do those I meet today. 

 

TO CHANGE OR NOT TO CHANGE

The right to decide when and how I want to change is up to me and no one else.  It is tempting at times to modify my thoughts and actions to please others, especially when I am I convinced I won’t be loved if I don’t change.  It’s a powerful motivator to believe my worth and value is dependent on others’ acceptance.  There have been times when I have even acted contrary to my integrity and values because I thought it would bring acknowledgement and prove that I am ‘okay’.   The problem is this only increased shame and decreased my sense of self-acceptance.  No more.

I now know that I don’t have to prove my worth and value.  It is simply inherently present, just as yours is.   I will acknowledge and accept all of my thoughts, feelings, and needs.  If I determine a thought or belief is not working for me, I can choose to change it when I am ready to do so.  If a behavior no longer serves me, I can opt to respond in a different way when I want to do so.  I will remind myself today that only I choose when and how I want to change.  I am okay just the way I am. 

 

NAVIGATING FEAR

Surrendering control is very hard to do when the fear of being overwhelmed by chaos and pandemonium is circling around in your heart.  Although the waters of self-doubt and turmoil may be rising within, it is important to remember I know how to swim these waters.  I have done so many times and I will not drown.   I will look for and recognize the life rafts that show up in this day; the smile, kind words, and, loving embrace of friends.  I will remember I am connected to a network of support and compassion.  I do not journey alone.  It is safe to breathe, remain present and open my heart to this moment.  I can release my tight grasp of control, roll over and float on my back through these turbulent waters trusting in myself and my higher power to bring me to higher ground.  I let go of the need to manipulate and restrict.  This day holds out limitless resource, safety and peace.