OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW

A time to say goodbye to what has been and to usher in the new; what do I want to bid farewell to in my life?  Perhaps, resentment, fear, and belittling myself, as well as, all or nothing thinking and the beliefs of expecting the worse rather than the best and that I am alone.  These are things that definitely have not contributed to my well-being this year.  I’d also like to let go of the self-centered, ‘me-first’ attitude that disconnects me from others and prevents the growth of compassion in my life.

The new year is approaching and today I choose to ready my heart and spirit.  I bless this passing year with a grateful and full heart and willingly surrender what no longer serves me. 

 

MIRACLES SURROUND ME

Miracles abound all around us.  There are times when I feel stuck in the mire of ‘everyday-ness’ and lose my awareness of amazement and wonder.  I rush around barely noticing the world that supports my being.  I become enmeshed in the internal turmoil of my mind and forget to see further than my own nose.  When I get lost in the illusion of my separate-ness and wrapped up in the drama I create, I find myself stressed out, anxious, discouraged, and uninspired.  Eventually I am stopped in my tracks and unable to continue moving forward.

Today, rather than wearing myself out in reactivity and busyness, I choose to slow down and notice the everyday miracles around me.  The refreshing touch of a cool, crisp breeze that invigorates my senses, the bright sunshine that dances on the surface of the water and warms my face, the clean air I breathe that energizes and nourishes my body, the presence of a creative life force that radiates everywhere I turn, the soul-connection I experience with all that is, has been, and ever will be; yes, miracles surround me this day.  I celebrate the real ‘everyday-ness’ that enfolds me now.

MINDFULNESS

It is so difficult to silence all the voices coming from different sources that speak their wisdom and warnings.  To live present and now, even for a brief time, I need to unplug from the noise and clutter of my mind.  My mind resists silence and is continually trying to find a way out.

Words of warning and limitation threaten to overwhelm me: “You won’t be able to”, “You aren’t being wise”, “You need to think about”, “This isn’t going to work”, “Aren’t you worried about”, “What makes you so special”. . .  I have caved in to these powerful internal and external voices in the past and lived in fear and worry.  How do I know they aren’t right?  Perhaps I’m being unpractical.  Maybe I should listen. 

It is time to stop the struggle.  Fear does not serve me.  It closes the doors to growth, creativity, spontaneity, and the delight of surprise.  I refuse to live in deprivation and regret.  I choose to follow the path of open mindedness.

CONFIDENCE

In quietness and confidence is my strength!

A still and centered heart, an open and listening mind, these are the necessary elements to live in this moment.  Worry and anxiety float down the river of life that flows through me today.  I wave them on their way and return to silence.  Concern about moving forward and taking care of business, along with, fear of missing out on valuable opportunities suddenly show up and are quickly dismissed as I return to this moment and breathe. 

Open heart and open mind. . .

Providence surrounds me supplying all of my needs.  The universe supports my being.  Thoughts of deprivation and limited supply are illusions.  I am where I belong.  In this moment I have what I need.  The path unfolds before me, one step at a time.  I will not be seduced by ‘what if’s’ and ‘if only’s.  I choose to trust without seeing the way.  I relinquish the need to control the journey.  I step forward in confidence knowing I am not alone.  I am connected and belong.  There is space for me to fill and work for me to do.  I step forward in quietness and confidence.

BEING BORN AGAIN

I love the idea that every day we rebirth ourselves.   Today I will make decisions and choices that determine what I give birth to being .  I can bring compassion and kindness or meanness and a Scrooge-like attitude.  Watching Christmas stories on the Hallmark Channel this year, I see over and over people in all kinds of situations transformed from sad, lonely, selfish, hurting, pessimistic lives to being filled with the  ‘Christmas’ spirit. 

I choose today to remain aware of what the nativity scene in my life looks like today.  I will recognize and have gratitude for those who serve as midwives during my labor.  I will also remember others who might need assistance in giving birth to their own existence and rejoice at the beauty of what is being born in so many this day.   What an amazing celebration of the divine in us and with us.  Namaste.

SIMPLY LIVING

It is so difficult, at times, to stay rooted in this present moment and trust in God’s providence. Are my needs really important when there are so many others in the world who have less than I do?  Look at the homeless suffering in the streets, those I see on street corners every day; the refugee camps; the starving children; those living in war or disease  . . .  Is there really more than enough supply to go around?  How can I expect that I deserve any more than they do?  What right do I have to imagining an existence of ‘enough’ or a dream of surplus?

I cannot understand the flow of supply and demand or unjust distribution.  It is so far beyond my ability to make sense of it all.  I can only be in this present moment believing that in the midst of contrary evidence THERE IS ENOUGH.  It is with humility and gratitude that I recognize the gifts of providence in this moment.   

Sitting here and now I realize I have what I need.  I am breathing in enough oxygen to satisfy my body’s needs and my body provides me with a functional container for my spirit.  I am in a safe and comfortable space.  I have food and water.  I have freedom to express myself.  I am loved by a wide array of caring hearts.  I rest in peace and the presence of ‘I am’ in what is.  In this moment my needs are met and I offer gratitude for grace and blessing. 

So I unfurl my greedy fingers and open my clenched fists, recognizing that I do not need to grasp onto what I imagine as lack of resource.   I relax knowing what I need in this moment rests in my open hands.  I release anxiety, worry, and even hope knowing that these are feelings which belong to yesterday and tomorrow.   In this moment, I have enough and that is the only reality that truly exists.  I breathe in what I know to be truth.

SWEET MOMENTS

Moments of goodness surround me if I but notice them.  It is so easy to focus on moments of dissatisfaction and develop a tunnel vision that blocks out everything else.   I become wrapped in a dark cloud of frustration, anger, hurt, and disappointment unable to see the light.  The glass is half empty and although it is a temporary experience it feels never-ending. 

Today I choose to look beyond the negativity that invades my day and recognize the moments of sweetness that are present.  The warmth of the sun shining in a bright blue sky, the softness of a warm blanket, the kind note expressing love, the invitation of a friend to play, the relief of a body that has no pain, the fun of watching a curious kitten, the taste of a cup of hot chocolate, the beauty of my favorite piece of music, the smile of a stranger in passing; there are moments of kindness and delightful surprise all around me.  So much fills my cup today.

PUTTING WORRY TO REST

Will the things I worry about today matter tomorrow?   I have had experiences that have shown the answer to this question to be NO.  There have been many times when I have upset myself by worrying about not having enough resources, and every time I have ended up with what was needed.  Perhaps not excess but certainly what was needed.  I have stressed myself out thinking about not being enough in certain circumstances, like taking tests or dealing with people or solving problems, and have found in the moment that I am more than adequate for the task at hand; perhaps not exceptional or perfect, however, enough.  I have created intense distress by imagining some events as having ‘life shattering’ importance and then after they have passed, find that they are mere blimps on the radar of my life and certainly not life altering. 

Today, when I become apprehensive or anxious, I will reassure myself with the larger picture and remember all the yesterdays I wasted time stressing over.  I will choose to be aware and present to the moments of this day and release the negative thoughts that would prevent me from recognizing the gifts of NOW.  I don’t want to look back tomorrow and say ‘I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time then with fretting and worrying.’  I refuse to allow worry to rob me of another day.  I can breathe, center, release, and be.

 

PRACTICING CONTENTMENT

I choose to practice contentment today, acceptance of who I am, what I have and where I’m at.  It is possible to want to be someone else, have what someone else possesses, or be at a different point in my life; however, I only increase distress and dissatisfaction when I compare myself to others.  This tends to serve no purpose.  Occasionally, I am motivated to make necessary changes as I observe what works for someone else or admire the way someone handles something.  There are moments I long for the past, but this only leads to sadness and depression, so I will bless the past and release it.  Other moments I long for the future, but this only increases my anxiety and stress, so I let go of it and trust my life is unfolding as it should. 

Throughout this day I will mark with awareness and gratitude moments of satisfaction and contentment.  Recognizing the gifts I have, the people who accept and love me, the work that challenges and inspires me, the beauty of nature and the opportunities to enjoy life I experience, a body that serves me well, a mind that is curious and open, and a heart that cares.   How satisfying it is to be today.  

 

SLOWING DOWN

I can take my time and attend to one thing at a time.  When circumstances or people push me to hurry up or attend to more than I am comfortable handling in the moment, I have a right to speak up and set a boundary.  I can take care of myself and ask for what I need, whether it is more time, patience, understanding, or help. 

I recognize there are many reasons I choose not to take care of myself.  Sometimes it’s about people pleasing and not wanting to disappoint others.  So, I overcommit to more than I can handle.  Other times, it’s about taking care of another’s responsibility and rescuing rather than empowering them to do their own work or allowing them to face the consequences of their own choices.  Occasionally, it’s about my own fear of failure and so I over-compensate to be ‘better than’ in an effort to avoid being seen as ‘less than’.  As I fail to know my own limits, others can come to expect from me more than I am able to deliver.  Then I find myself in the familiar territory of overwhelm, panic, disappointment and stress.

Whatever the reason for not caring for myself, today I choose to accept my needs, set clear boundaries, and show myself and others respect.  I will address one thing at a time acknowledging that I although I am limited, I am enough.

HOPE SPRINGS

I bring hope to this day.  Hope that it will hold a chance for connection to others in meaningful ways.  Hope that there will be time for work, time for rest, time for being with and time for being alone, time for dancing and time for standing still.   Hope I will be forgiven when I offend and I will forgive when I am offended.  Hope for peace in the midst of conflict, compassion when it’s easier to strike out, patience during the rush to solve problems, and faith that there are answers to the questions I ask today, I just may not be able to see or understand them yet. 

Although there may be darkness surrounding me today, I have hope that it will not last forever and light will eventually appear.  Hope is a strong anchor in the storms of my now.

 

WHAT WILL TODAY HOLD?

What challenges will face me today?  I do not know.  What I do know is I have the strength, the wisdom, the support and the wherewithal to address whatever comes my way one moment at a time.  Even if I feel small and incapable, I will wrap my arms around my heart with reassurance of my enough-ness.  I will open my mind to other’s suggestions and comfort so that I can be companioned today and walk together instead of alone.   I will pause to breathe and reflect with gratitude for the times of beauty and wonder I experience.  I will remember I don’t have to solve tomorrow’s problems now and remain rooted in the present.  I will offer forgiveness when it is needed and bring compassion and acceptance into my encounters.  I will not forget that I can make a difference with a smile or kind word.  This is my intention today and I will turn it into action.

TAKE THE DARE

Why are my heart and hands closed today?  What prevents me from receiving?  It is bitterness and resentment that block grace from entering my heart.  As I hold on to old hurts and wounds I am creating only more hurt and wounding.  Freedom will only come when I allow forgiveness to enter the scene.  Today I choose to let go of the ways in which I believe others have judged and harmed me.   I am unwilling to bind myself in cords of distrust, anger, and grievance.  These cords only serve to paralyze me and hold me back from being able to appreciate and dance in this moment.  I speak to those who I have held captive in my memories. “I forgive you and release you from your debt.  You can no longer hurt me and I have no desire to get even with you.  I am not your victim.” I choose now to open my heart to the love that surrounds me.  The tightly clenched fists which I have held up for so long can relax and finally open up to receive the love that surrounds me.  And yet I find another block . . .

Not only have I prosecuted others, I have also accused myself.  And so I choose to release myself from guilt over the ways I have harmed and judged others.  Perhaps I have repeated behavior I was taught from other prisoners or maybe I needed to protect myself from real or perceived dangers, regardless I no longer need to hold others accountable for my happiness.  I release myself from this self-imposed prison.  I speak to myself, “I forgive you and release you from your guilt.  You have made amends and deserve freedom. The doors of your prison cell are unlocked and you are free to move forward, if you dare.”   I choose to dare . . .

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

Friendship is delightful, surprising, frustrating, comforting, confounding, disturbing, overwhelming, precious, priceless, and as essential to me as breathing.  My friends connect me to life and support me when I feel lost.  They remind me that I’m fallible and keep me from spinning into selfish narcissism.   They love me when I make mistakes and convince me I am somebody worth knowing.  They teach me how to receive without giving and also to give without receiving. 

There have been moments when I have experienced the illusion of feeling alone and friend-less.  I have consoled myself with a web of fallacies:  ‘you are better off alone; protect your heart from the risk of abandonment or rejection; it’s safer to not care or depend on others.’   This self-imposed ‘hell’ only serves to punish and imprison me.   The cost of this imaginary protection is much, much higher than the risk of connection with others.  Certainly,  more than I am willing to pay.  

So, I have learned the value of lowering my defenses and choosing to trust.  Yes, there are situations when safeguards are warranted, however I can trust myself to set appropriate boundaries when these circumstances surface.

Today I am safe.  I can inhale the wonder of being loved and allow it to nourish and restore me.  I can exhale fear and loneliness.  I can move forward today in gratitude for the connections I will make with others and the moments I will learn to love and be loved.

IT'S TIME

It’s time to let go of resentment and release ghosts of the past from their long captivity.  I no longer need to get even or feel self-righteous and justified.  Clinging to these shadows does not serve me any longer.  I choose to forgive those who have offended me and face the day without the echoes of past hurts haunting me.

It’s time to open my mind to new possibilities and opportunities that I have only barely dared to imagine.  Limitations come from within more than from the outer restrictions of time, money and others.  I choose to believe that my dreams and hopes are manifesting now.

It’s time to live without fear.  Fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy, fear of dependency, fear of intimacy; so many illusions that hold me back.  At some point, fear might have been a helpful defense but now it is an impediment that prevents me from receiving and giving.  I choose to allow myself to live without fear and embrace the freedom of kowing I am safe and have everything I need today.

It’s time to allow myself to just be.  It isn’t necessary to impress others or people please in order to be accepted or loved.  I choose to accept and love myself for who I am. 

JUST BE

How difficult it is to enter into stillness and silence.  To stay rooted in one space, in one moment while all around life ebbs and flows.  Remaining quiet and calm in what seems to be a swirling tornado of activity.  The body cries out for attention.  Muscles are tight and tense.  Slowly with patient, concerted effort they begin to relax.   Breathe.  Nerves begin to stir and suddenly the need to itch is overwhelming.  Other body complaints step into the spotlight:  I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m hot, it’s noisy, and I’m uncomfortable…”  Breathe, slow down, let go.

Just be.

Emotions reach out to distract.  Anxiety, anger, fear, discouragement, roll in like dark storm clouds on a summer afternoon blocking out the sun.  They flood consciousness and then move slowly away when attention is refocused.  Be still.  The storm is quieted.

Just be.

Negative thoughts churn in a tempting uproar:  “This is a waste of time” “There is too much to do today for this” “You need to get busy”  “You are so lazy” “You should be…You can’t…You aren’t…You don’t…You have to”.  Each thought looks for a crack to slip through and flare-up into shame.  Be still, breathe, recognize the pull of the energy and then let it go.  Without attention there is no place for thought to cling. 

Just be.

BALANCED LIVING

It is so easy to live life based only on my feelings; however, when I do I always regret it.  I become jerked around from the depths of despair to the heights of ecstasy and everywhere in between.  My feelings inform me of when my needs are or aren’t being met, they let me know when I need to take action, they give me a means to communicate and connect, but they aren’t always a reliable, consistent base to stand upon.  They can change on a dime and make my head spin.  They can sometimes be based on distortions and assumptions or be reactions to inaccurate perceptions.   So, while I value my feelings and allow them to inform me, I also recognize them as an unreliable guide to my happiness. 

Today I will pay attention to my feelings, acknowledge their value and listen to the wisdom they offer.  I will also attend to my thoughts, needs, values, beliefs, body, spirit, higher power and my friends.   I want the choices I make today to come from this place of integration and balance.

 

TODAY

Today is pregnant with possibility.  There is opportunity to grow, learn, and manifest my dreams;  potential for being caring, responsible, assertive, creative stepping into the experiences this day holds.  There will be chances to take risks, to connect, to set boundaries, to show compassion as I interact with others.

As I place my foot on the path of now-ness, I choose to embrace this moment and all that it may hold without judgment or expectation.  I will breathe and remain aware and present to the gift that is in my midst and whisper words of thanks.  How fortunate we are to have today!

 

 

MOVING FORWARD

Entering into a space of peace and openness can be challenging at times.  When things aren’t going the way I expect them to go or events happen that bring pain and disappointment, it can be so hard to trust and believe in a generous and benevolent universe.  I want to remind myself in these moments that I am in the middle of the road and not at the end of it.  Yes, it is painful and hard to experience, yet it is also a temporary experience which does not have to define my entire journey.  I want to remember the other times in my life when I have traveled down other painful roads to find understanding, meaning, growth, happiness, and purpose at the end.  I will not allow myself to take a detour into self-pity and destructive avoidance behaviors, rather I will steadfastly move forward one step at a time trusting that good will come from what feels like defeat. 

 

SAYING YES TO TODAY

Some days the winds of discouragement and disappointment blow more strongly than other days.  At these times it can be difficult to stay rooted in beliefs about abundance, purpose, and strength.  It is at precisely these moments affirmation of unconditional acceptance, love and support is most useful.  Rather than being blown about by temporary conditions, I will remember the connections that help ground me in an awareness of my worth and value.  I will acknowledge the pain that exists and choose to move through it rather than run away from it, reminding myself that everything has the potential of being transformed into gift if I remain open-minded and receptive.  Yes, yes, and yes.  

EMPOWERING MYSELF

Internal pressure to feel ‘less than’ surrounds me this day.   I will acknowledge these beliefs exist and then present evidence to challenge these critical and negative voices.  I am definitely not perfect and thankfully no one else is either.  I am allowed to make mistakes and frequently they provide profound insight and learning.  My worth and value is fortunately not determined by what I do or don’t do but rather by being who I am.  Others have shown this truth to me time and time again.  I have never felt contentment or peace by allowing myself to build a permanent residence in the role of victim.  ‘Poor-me thinking’ only results in isolation and resentment.  I can move out of the victim neighborhood anytime I choose to do so.

Today, I will affirm the substance of my being and choose to live in the community of empowerment and enough-ness.  I will seek out other neighbors who inspire and encourage me.   This is where I truly belong and feel at home.

THERE IS ENOUGH

I believe in a universe of unlimited providence and compassion.  I choose to shelf the fears of scarcity and grasping that threaten to drown me and re-affirm my belief in abundance and enough-ness.   I envision resources, means, and strengths and reassure myself and others with messages of plenty and adequacy.  There is enough for all of us, ample supply if we open our hearts to receive, share, and trust.  This is the energy I want to generate today.

SEARCHING FOR UNITY

Open and still, breathing and being; bringing my heart, mind, and body into unity.  As I know oneness within I will be able to live peace and unity in this day with others.  If I am fragmented within and at war with myself odds are good that I will find reasons to be in conflict with you.  So I choose to take this time to seek out my own ambivalence, resentment, dis-ease and speak words of forgiveness, soothing, and reconciliation inside.  I will make amends with those I have offended and hold out the ‘olive branch’.  I am responsible for my own actions not those of someone else.  I know that holding on to grudges only serves to hurt me and alienates me from myself.  So I take inventory of this familiar internal territory searching for what prevents harmony within. 

Today I will remain rooted in the unity I feel within and reach out to those around me from this wellspring of stillness, healing, and serenity.  It is a deep pool offering nourishment and peace.

LETTING IN THE COMFORT

Can I allow myself to receive comfort?  As a younger person I learned to keep a ‘stiff upper lip’ and not ‘be a baby’.  I discovered that the people around me weren’t available or interested in my moments of setback and hurt.  They were more focused on themselves and their own needs, so I began to keep to myself and hold in my pain, putting a stone wall around my heart.  I told myself “I’m self-reliant, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy” and pushed away those who tried to extend care and support.  Through the years I came to believe that it takes a very strong person to permit others to see their vulnerability or weakness, someone who can trust and doesn’t have to hold on so tightly to self-control.

Today, I know that it is safe to open my heart to receive the love and tenderness that others offer.  I can let my friends know when I am upset and need support or reassurance.  I can be soothed by their kindness and compassion relaxing in the knowledge that what I feel, think and need matters not only to me but also to those who love me.  I will trust those in my social support system and let myself take in the care they extend to me.

 

ACCEPTANCE

Judgments whirl around in my mind at times.  Judgments about what other people do, what they say, how they look and thoughts about what they should do or be.  I can become mired in negativity and criticism very easily which usually leads me to the familiar road of frustration, anger and hurt.   This is not the attitude or heart space I want to occupy.  I am very aware that letting go of this way of thinking is directly connected to how able I am to accept myself radically and unconditionally.  As I cling to expectations and judgments about my own sense of being it is difficult to accept and see others for who they are. 

Today, I will listen for the ought-to and shoulds that surface in my mind, consciously acknowledge them and remind myself that I choose to accept who I am with all my flaws and imperfections.  I will lay to rest the critical, judgmental inner voices and fill my mind with affirmations of my worth and value.  I will also choose to understand, accept and love you the way you are.  Acceptance brings freedom, hope, and the peace of mind I desire.  This is my intention for this day.

 

BRUSHING OFF THE WISPS OF THE PAST

When the echoes of the past whisper in my head it is sometimes difficult to remain grounded in the present.  These disempowering, negative voices used to ring through my consciousness regularly and consistently as church steeple bells.  Telling me I’m not good enough, I’m a failure, people can’t be trusted, just give up; pulling me powerfully into depression, anxiety, and despair.  Today, these murmurings inside are like mere wisps of air that usually blow away easily dissolving into nothingness and barely measuring on the radar of my awareness. 

However, occasionally they surprise me and show up with a bit more substance and menace.  I will remember, during these times, the arsenal of truth that resides securely within me.  Affirmation of my worth and value, reinforcing my right to be and reminding me that I am not alone.  I am filled with resiliency, courage and compassion anchored deeply within.  The old, tired tendrils of the past are no match for the power and strength that dwells in me now.   I move into this day ready to face it as it unfolds.

 

LET GO AND LET GOD

Let go and let God.  I have heard this over and over and surrender is never an easy task.  There are times when I find myself very wrapped up in the ‘role’ of being a Supreme Being who’s got the ‘whole world in my hands’.  This quickly leads to frustration, disappointment, anxiety, anger, and exhaustion, as well as, eventually the reality that it isn’t my job to run the universe or anyone else’s life.  Somehow I fall into the trap of believing that I know what is best for others while disregarding what is best for me.  I want to hold on to relationships that are ending or unhealthy for me. I continue to hold on to beliefs and attitudes that no longer serve my purposes. I maintain old behaviors that drag me under in the hope that maybe this time it will be different. 

Today I choose to release my need to grasp for control and cling on to people, places, beliefs, behaviors, and ideals that do not serve me.  I open my hands and surrender my expectations and judgments about this day.  Life calls me forward with an open mind and open heart.  I will let go and let God.

 

MOMENTS OF SUFFERING

Reflecting on the complicated dance of love and hatred, the surprise and horror of having what I love ripped away from me without warning; what is my response in these inevitable moments of suffering?  Do I strike back in anger and retaliation, inflicting pain on others and wanting retribution for my loss, blind to the other’s pain and my own continuing contribution to the cycle of violence?  I admit this response does have a seductive appeal.    Other times I struggle to understand what possible good or meaning could come from the tragedies of my life, is there a way to love in the midst of darkness?   When I’m honest this isn’t my first, instinctive response.  Sometimes I fall on my knees doubting my ability to muster the strength to carry on and believe in goodness, forgiveness, and compassion. 

For today I choose forgiveness and a belief that love is more powerful than hatred.  I will reach out to someone who is suffering and whisper a word of kindness in memory of moments of my past pain.  I will remember how I feel when others have comforted and supported me during the hard times. 

 

REACHING GOALS

So many goals I set for myself end up abandoned half way through the course.  Many things can get in the way of reaching the finish line:  laziness, boredom, time management, not believing in me, discouragement when I hit the ‘wall’, temptation, disappointment when it doesn’t go the way I want it to, giving up on myself or others, setting unrealistic goals, poor planning, fear of success, and the list goes on and on…  I choose to reevaluate my goals today.

First, I will assure that they are reasonable and in line with my values and integrity.  Then, I will access my desire to attain the goal.  Do the pros of reaching this goal outweigh the cons of failure?  Next, I will break my goal into manageable steps.  I will examine what I am able and ready to do and then hold myself responsible for taking some action today towards my goal.  I will acknowledge the progress I make no matter how small and affirm myself for moving forward.  I will encouraged myself with reminders of past successes and remember the strength I possess.  I will comfort and reassure myself during the difficult moments today and recognize that setbacks are only temporary and to be expected.  I will get the support I need to cheer me on and back me up.  I know the destination isn’t as important as the journey and I choose to value today's journey.

 

LETTING GO OF 'WHAT IF...'

Fear of ‘what if’s’ can be stifling at times.  Double guessing my choices, overthinking things until spontaneity is virtually impossible, driving myself crazy with worry and doubt.  In the past, having mental hyper-vigilance prevented harm and served me.  However, for many years now I have no longer needed to be quite so careful.  I have choice about who I invite into my social atom and freedom to determine how close or far away I want them to be from me.  I have skills and abilities to nurture and care for myself that I didn’t possess when I was younger.  I can speak up and communicate my truth assertively and set boundaries when necessary.  When things don’t go the way I want them to go, I may be disappointed, hurt or frustrated but I know it is only temporary and new doors and opportunities will appear.    

Today I release my apprehensions and worries remembering that I am safe now and can relax.  When I catch myself saying ‘what if’ I will whisper words of reassurance and encouragement.  I can trust my intuition, breathe and let go. One day at a time!

WHAT DO I NEED?

If I follow the trail of cookie crumbs that my feelings lead me on, I will eventually come to the home of my needs.  It has been useful to know that my feelings can point me in the direction of knowing what I need.  Growing up I learned to be continually aware of what those around me needed and there was an expectation that I meet others’ needs to maintain peace and avoid pain.  As an adult, my own needs were buried deeply beneath doing for others and attending to their needs, all the while feeling more and more depressed, anxious, and unhappy.  When asked by someone “What do you need?” I found myself perplexed and confused realizing I had no idea.  It was then I learned how to follow the feeling to find the need.

Today, I will ask myself “What do I need?” and allow my feelings to inform me about my needs.  Once the need is acknowledged, I will choose to examine the best path for meeting it.  I will communicate my needs to be respected, understood, loved and valued, treated fairly, and whatever else might arise.  I will make sure I attend to my needs for food, rest, play, and safety. 

Hmmm… What do you need?

FORGIVENESS

Holding on to resentment and bitterness always ends up backfiring on me.  I may think I’m hurting you with my animosity, but in reality I’m the one that suffers.  My heart becomes hardened and it’s difficult for me to receive or trust the love of others. My resentment breeds contempt and leads to suspicion of others’ motives, loneliness, sadness, cynicism, and I find myself imprisoned in a self-imposed cell of angry victimhood.  I have already lived too many days like this and I know it isn’t worth the cost.

I will let you know that you have wounded me and communicate my hurt.  Regardless of your response, whether you apologize or not, I will let it go.   I may not forget the harm that has been done, but I will no longer hold on to resentment.  I release the festering infection of bitterness to my higher power, bandage my wounds and allow myself to heal.  Forgiveness is a choice and takes strength of character.  I choose to forgive you for your failures and more importantly I choose to forgive myself for allowing you to hurt me.  I will learn from this experience what can be learned and move on to grow and open my heart to life and love.

 

HERE'S WHERE I STAND

Like a tree firmly rooted in the ground I want to stand in my power today.  It is easy to give in to the negativity I encounter every day.  Voices within tell me I’m not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, important enough and I continue to wonder where along the journey did I begin to believe these messages.  I know that I wasn’t born believing I didn’t have a right to be me.  Somewhere those around me taught me to disown myself and to try to be someone I’m not.  I was taught to please others no matter the cost to myself.  I was taught not to have needs and to disregard my own feelings.  I learned to measure my worth and value by others’ standards rather than my own. 

Today, I will remind myself that I have a right to be me and who I am is good enough.  I will feel my feet firmly placed on the earth and acknowledge the power within me.  I have the right to say yes or no and to make up my own mind about the direction I choose to go.  I can replace old, distorted voices with new affirmations about my worth and value.  I can allow others to be who they are without needing to control or change them and give myself the same permission to just be.  I am enough.

 

PASSING ON THE LIGHT

It’s such a delight to be surprised by another’s generosity and kind-heartedness, the return of a lost item that hadn’t even shown up as missing yet.  On the days when loneliness, fear, and discouragement surround me, I want to remember this time of thoughtfulness and good will.  Not everyone is a ‘Scrooge’ or out to get me.  Yes, there have been many unpleasant, hurtful incidents in my life; however, there have also been many moments of compassion and care. 

Today will hold difficulty and joy, boring routine and delightful novelty, pain and pleasure; I choose to embrace this new 24 hours with an openness of heart that sees the promise it holds for connection, growth, and joy.  I will look for opportunities to pass on the graciousness that has been shared with me and be a channel of kindness for someone who is needing to know that there is abundance available in this day.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."WhatWhaI wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good

SURRENDERING TO LIFE

Opening the mind and heart to surprise is not a practice that comes naturally to me.  I like routine and knowing what is coming next.  I have had many unwelcome shocks and bombshells exploded in my past and I prefer the world unfolding in the ways I expect it to unfold.  Taking chances and gambling with possibilities?  Not likely.  Unfortunately, this type of controlled existence comes at a very high price, wiping out amazement, wonder, delight, astonishment, spontaneity, as well as, blocking connection with others.  It’s impossible to control others’ responses and behaviors or predict outcomes that are shared, so staying safe often stunts relationships.

Today, I am grounded and centered and can handle whatever might come my way.  I no longer need to hold on so tightly to life.  I choose to release myself from the prison of predictability and the habits of the past.  I want to be free to experience the surprises this day holds.  Each breath I take carries possibility and promise, every step I take offers opportunity for creativity and spontaneity.  I await the adventure of living this day surrendering the need to box it in.

 

OPENING MY HEART

Opening my heart and allowing you to see me without the need to defend my vulnerability, without the smoke and mirrors to distract you or make myself more or less than I am, without fear of stepping on hidden landmines that will rip away the fragile connection we have; how do I have the courage to do this?  Certainly it takes radical self-acceptance to stand my ground and believe I am worth knowing.  It takes trust to believe that you won’t jump ship and run the other way.  It takes compassion to recognize you are having the same struggle as me.  Today I want to take new risks, reassure myself that I am safe, and cultivate an open heart.

A DAY FOR GIVING THANKS

A day for giving thanks, I wake today with gratitude in my heart for the many blessings of this past year.  Some of them didn’t feel like blessings at the time but with patience and hopefulness they eventually showed themselves to be of value to my journey.  Some of them seemed like huge blessings at the time and ended up not being as necessary as I had expected them to be.  Perhaps I am learning to be more receptive to the things I judge as curses.  With time, fortitude, tolerance, and an open mind usually these curses end up being defining moments that bless my life.

Today, I celebrate with gratitude the precious moments of this past year and the people who have companioned me through it all.  I will trust that those moments that don’t appear to be so precious right now will be transformed through the alchemy of time, forgiveness, and growing.

 

FACING TEMPTATION

During this season of buying and spending, it is important to distinguish between a want and a need.  If I’m honest there are many things I want, and actually only a few that I truly need.  Solidarity means I stand with you.  It’s very comfortable for me to stand with the ‘haves’ but really challenging to align myself with the ‘have nots’.  There are so many tempting offers this time of year: Black Friday sales, Christmas specials, TVs, computers, clothes, food items, etc.  It’s difficult to acknowledge my grasping, selfish nature and even harder to not guilt myself into deprivation. 

Today I choose to seek out a balance between materialistic greed and self-imposed starvation.  I recognize that there will always be extremes of wealth and poverty in the world.  I want to be a prudent and compassionate manager of my limited financial resources.  I choose to cultivate a generous and kind heart that shares what I possess wisely.  I will take responsible action and rather than carelessly spending, I want to practice mindful gifting in this holiday season.

WHERE IS THE PEACE?

This speaks my heart today.  It is a Taoist prayer I was given.

"If there is to be peace in the world, There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations, There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities, There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors, There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home, There must be peace in the heart."

I may not be able to make peace in Israel/Gaza/Afghanistan. 
I may not be able to make peace amid the diversity of opinions in this country. 
I may not be able to make peace in my city or neighborhood, that is full of haves and have nots. 
I may not even be able to make peace in my home. 
However, I choose to make peace within my heart today; to be content with what I have and who I am, to speak words of comfort and forgiveness within myself, to connect with my higher power and rest in the peace I find there. 
Then, I choose to bring that inner peace to those I encounter this day.

EMBRACING THE DAY

It takes trust to just BE, without excuses, without figuring everything out, without control of outcomes.  To trust that BEING is enough in this moment that it is adequate.  With an open-hearted ‘I am’ I embrace this day and all that it holds with acceptance, hope and compassion.

GRATITUDE FOR FRIENDS

The moments that seem to matter the most and bring the most joy are those filled with friendship and connection.  The relationships I have invited and fostered in my life have been numerous and assorted.  Some weren’t always healthy, they were stifling or disrespectful and I’ve had to cut them loose in order to grow and change.  Some relationships have ended before I was ready for them to end.  Some of them have persevered and continued despite the odds, we have hung in there with each other through thick and thin.  Some have weathered the storms and some are brand new, just beginning.  Some I can’t imagine my life without, they are as close as the air I breathe and others are distant but wonderful when they are near.  Some focus on certain tasks and responsibilities and others transcend doing and are just about being together.

I am very thankful for the gift of friendship, whether they have worked or not.  They have taught me so many lessons, sometimes painful and difficult, but often joy-filled.  I have learned who I am and who I’m not.  I have learned how to speak up while awkwardly practicing on my friends.  I have learned to listen without an agenda and hear the message beyond the words.  I have learned to give and receive forgiveness and compassion.  I have learned to say goodby and grieve loss.  I have learned to play and trust, letting go of my rigidity and fear.  I feel very fortunate for the many gifts and blessings my friends have provided.  I am grateful.