ENOUGH ALREADY

Many voices of distraction tempt me to abandon myself and others, to lay down my responsibilities and drift away.  Excuses, rationalizations, minimalizing, blaming:  “It doesn’t matter that much” “It’s not that important” “Just one more…” “You deserve it” “Tomorrow’s another day” “Not now, later” “It’ll all work out” "I can't" "I'm too tired" “Next time we’ll do it differently” “No one will notice” . . .  ENOUGH!

Today I choose to inhabit my body and embrace this day with courage, resilience, acceptance, and presence.  Now is the time. I am the only person accountable for my words, thoughts and actions.  One breath at a time I face myself and you.

FOR NOW-NESS

Nothing lasts forever, things change, people go, live moves on; no wonder it’s so tempting to grasp on to what I want or desire and hold on for dear life.  Only problem, this creates suffering rather than prolonging joy.  No matter how hard I try I can’t prevent the movement of life and I definitely prefer to let go of the continual grief of saying goodbye to what ‘was’. 

Therefore, I will acknowledge the gifts that come into my life today, enjoy them fully with gratitude and blessing, while recognizing the ‘for now-ness’ of the moment.  The good news is: what I don’t desire or want in my life is changing and moving on too.  Sometimes it feels as though change comes much too slowly, other times I can’t keep up with it.  I will breathe in THIS  moment and savor its presence, then exhale and release it.  This is the way of life.

 

                                                                                                          

NO MORE WAR

In the effort to avoid emotional pain, I develop elaborate defense mechanisms. I can deny it exists and sweep it under the rug.  I can minimize it and pretend it’s no big deal.  I can withdraw and develop thick walls to isolate myself.  I can blame it on others becoming critical and judgmental or striking back with threatening words and actions.  I can rationalize it away so I don’t have to feel anything.  I can try to control through the illusion of perfectionism and over-compensation.  I can distract myself with excess food, alcohol, or busy activity to prevent seeing it.  These defenses provide me with temporary relief like a Band-Aid on a gaping wound but fail to provide the true healing I really need.

Today, I choose to mindfully face the pain that comes my way.  I will issue a cease fire and lay down my arms.  No more war within or with others.  I will acknowledge pain's existence and its sources.  I will take positive actions to nurture and protect myself.  I may set boundaries that are needed or communicate my feelings, thoughts and needs assertively or take a time out to give myself a chance to recoup or make a decision to forgive and let go.  I will allow the pain to be my own personal guide to transformation and change.  I can breathe and make space for the pain in my heart understanding it will not last forever. 

SELF ACCEPTANCE

It is difficult, at times, to acknowledge my own imperfection and vulnerability.  I often make excuses, cover up, and hide moments of inadequacy and shortcoming.  I push away what I perceive to be my flaws and limitations and look to others for approval and ok-ness. I continue to carry the shame that was given to me when I was very young and it is time to give it back to those it belongs to, I have held on to it long enough. 

Today I will open my heart to embrace myself with self acceptance. I will affirm my enough-ness and remain present to my own feelings, thoughts and needs.  Only if I show up for myself first can I be there for others.

 

PERCEPTION ISN'T ALWAYS REALITY

 My thoughts and perceptions determine my reality.  So often they lead me on a ‘wild, bumpy, and totally unnecessary’ ride.  I end up assuming you meant something you never intended or interpreting your actions without checking out my judgments.  Then I react to these experiences and create drama and misunderstanding.  Sometimes you do this to me and I stand shaking my head and wondering 'what just happened?'  How much time have I wasted in useless worry, anger, and hurt because I didn’t make sure intentionality matched up with perception.

Today, I make a commitment to myself and to you.  I will take a moment to clarify my beliefs and make sure I’m receiving your messages accurately before I respond.  I will also ask what you are hearing me say to assure I’m being heard and understood.  Perception is not always reality. 

QUE SERA, SERA

Imagining possible futures can be exciting, frustrating, discouraging, exhilarating, and scary.  Planning is definitely necessary at times, however, ruminating on details and drowning myself in ‘what if’s’ does not serve me well.  It is impossible to predict what will be, how others will or won’t be, and what will or won’t happen.  I only end up paralyzing myself with fear and setting myself up with excessive expectations. 
 

The song ‘Que Sera, Sera’ is running through my head and appears to hold a truth today.  I will tend to what this day holds and release what I can’t control, knowing that the future will hold surprises, disappointments, growth, and fulfillment.  I breathe and allow it to unfold in time.  I choose to be present to this 24 hours, after all now is the time I’ve spent time in the past worrying about and it would be a shame to waste all that worry.  Que, sera, sera.

THE MYSTERY OF HOPE

Hope bubbles up from a deep wellspring within, whispering words of wellness, abundance, compassion and connection.  Life may appear bleak and at a dead end at times and the ‘hope-spring’ may be running low, yet even when I think it’s empty I discover there is a slow drizzle of hopefulness still present within.  For this I am grateful.  The source of this fountain is puzzlement to me also how it is continually replenished with promise and possibility.  Today, I mark with gratitude this mystery and affirm my belief and confidence in it.

LETTING GO

There are moments when I live unconsciously in my own delusional world acting like I am the Wizard behind the curtain of Oz, controlling comings and goings, and manipulating to get my way.  Then unexpected, unwelcomed intrusions occur and BOOM my fantasy dissolves into dust and I hear Life whispering to me “Let Go”.

Today, I intend to mindfully surrender my need to control.  I face this day with my arms wide open, trusting life to unfold in its way and in its time.

BREATHING

It is very common to find myself holding my breath when I am faced with the disappointment or discouragement.  Breathing in here and now, breathing out then and there.  Sometimes I gasp in surprise when I am startled or afraid; breathing in courage and resilience, breathing out anxiety and worry.  I find myself panting and gulping air when I am in a hurry and doing too much, breathing in deeply and slowly, breathing out mindless activity.  I am safe now, can stand with clarity in the stillness knowing that I have the time and space to breathe and be.  This is my commitment to myself and others today.

 

 

STANDING IN ABUNDANCE

Early memories of deprivation easily create a fear of scarcity.  On days when shortage seems likely, it can be difficult to remain grounded with a strong belief  in abundance.  Today I will remind myself of the many moments of providence I have experienced.  There is a richness of grace and supply surrounding me as I open my heart to receive, as I reach out my hands to offer support to others, as I acknowledge the resentment and fear I hold that creates walls and divides, as I surrender my frantic attempts to control, and as I connect to the ample ‘enoughness’ that resides within me and surrounds me.

NO LABEL ZONE

 

The middle ground is hard to hold on to because so much within me pulls for all or nothing thinking.  Good/bad, right/wrong, black/white, either/or, yes/no, in/out; it feels at times like an inner tug of war.  It isn’t easy to refrain from placing a label on my experience.  It reminds me of a Taoist story I heard:

There is an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "May be," said the farmer.

Today I choose to open my mind and heart to a bigger picture than I can currently see and refuse to judge my experiences and relationships.  Good, bad, who knows.           

MEMORIES

Occasionally, past memories haunt and break into my present.  They stir up old, forgotten, uncomfortable feelings; bringing sadness, regret, anger, fear, experiences of discomfort.  I can try to push them away and bury them deeply into my unconscious until the next time they decide to visit.  I can distract myself from them by filling my day with busyness and activity or I can medicate myself into forgetfulness with alcohol and drugs.  However, these strategies are only temporary solutions that carry with them consequences of poor self-esteem, physical illness, and anxiety.

Instead, I choose to acknowledge these experiences and welcome them as long forgotten friends.  They have influenced me and been a part of my life, both for good and not so good.  They are echoes of the past and hold no power over me now.  I can choose to recognize them and then gently bid them farewell once again.  If forgiveness of others or self is needed, I can choose to offer it if I wish to do so.  If there is something left unsaid to someone, I can speak my truth and release it.  No longer do I need to hold on to what no longer serves me.  My history has made me who I am, however it doesn’t have to determine my life and the choices I make today.

LETTING GO OF USELESS WORRY

Anxious thoughts creep their way in destroying my peace of mind.  “Will there be enough?”  “But, what if…”, “How will I ever…” like annoying insects that persistently pester, or like old records that have scratches and keep replaying over and over.  Today I will gently acknowledge these thoughts and let them go, returning to the flow of breath, the place of serenity and the trust of being enough.  I may not have the answers I seek yet, but they will come in time, as they have so many times before.  When they don’t I often find out I’m asking the wrong question.  So, why waste time fretting and worrying.   Breathe and trust.

SLOWING IT DOWN

Busy, busy, busy, life seems to move so quickly.  Shifting gears from one project to the next and keeping up with the demand of commitments; it’s easy to become lost in the continual push to work harder, succeed and prove myself worthwhile. 

Today, I will slow down, breathe, and sit still before I rush off to lose myself in activity.  I am already worthwhile and valuable so I can choose to let go of trying so hard to prove it.  I can take my time and remain centered as I move forward, choosing how to invest these 24 hours of energy most wisely and compassionately.  I will be mindful of my breath, my choices, and my limits as I gently unfold into this day.

EMPOWERING MYSELF

When saying yes to you means saying no to me I know that I’m in the troubling territory of “Rescuing”.  It is very tempting at times to make peace by not speaking up for what I need or want, by focusing my time and attention on you rather than my own needs, by allowing disrespectful behavior, and by doing things I’d rather not do.  I suppose it’s safe not to rock the boat, but in the end I am the one who feels resentful, hurt, and angry.  It isn’t fair of me to expect that you will magically know what I want or need or realize when my boundaries have been compromised.  Only by communicating directly and assertively can you have awareness of my needs. 

Today, I choose greater recognition of when I am entering into rescuing behavior and will take the risk to set the boundaries that I need to set even if I make waves.  I will say yes to my own need to be treated with respect and I will communicate my feelings and needs honestly and directly.

SAYING NO TO GUILT

So often my mistakes have become my greatest learning moments.  This is very hard to remember when I am in the uncomfortable, painful position of taking accountability and admitting my vulnerability.  When the shaming, critical voices begin to voice their opinions about my foolish inadequacy, I choose to turn down their volume and increase the volume on my inner truth channel.  I am limited and mistakes will inevitably be part of my experience.  They don’t determine my worth or value.  I can choose to learn from them and move on.  I have a right to be forgiven and refuse to buy into the road of guilt.  Rather I will celebrate my adaptability and resilience.

MOTHERING

I celebrate my ability to nurture and mother myself and others.  I will gently validate my presence and what I think, feel, and need.  I will encourage and affirm my efforts and recognize my accomplishments.  I will kindly, patiently and carefully guide myself to greater health and wholeness of body, mind, and spirit.  I will allow others to touch my heart today and accept the tenderness they offer to me.  I will reach out with compassion to those I encounter offering support and acknowledgement of their sacredness.  I choose to be what I want to see in the world.

PATIENCE

I like to see results.  When I don’t see them right away I can become disappointed and frustrated.  Immediate gratification is certainly desirable but frequently unattainable.  There are days when I feel like a little child stomping my feet and saying NOW.  It is very difficult to accept remain hopeful and expectant. 

Today I would like to cultivate patience to allow things to unfold in their own time.  Waiting for outcomes requires trust, tolerance, perseverance, and a belief in myself and others.  At times I may never see the fruit that comes from my words and actions, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  I will remind myself that the small seed I plant today has the potential of flowering into something beautiful . I intend to drop the seeds and trust in my higher power to nurture them, knowing I am not responsible for the growth that follows.  I will have gratitude when I see results, recognizing that I may be rejoicing in someone else’s sowing and trusting that someone else may rejoice in my planting.

 

 

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER

However dark the night may seem, dawn is inevitable.  This is a law of nature.  As I reflect on the dark moments of my life, I am aware of impermanence.  When in the midst of trouble, it is easy to forget my experience is only temporary.  I think it will last forever, yet eventually shift always happens and change occurs.   Even in the worst of circumstances I have managed to learn life lessons that benefited my future choices. 

Today, I will remember that whatever difficulties I encounter, they are transitory and fleeting holding out promise for growth and change.  I face this day with faith and hope in my heart.

YES

I open my heart and hands to receive and give, saying yes to what this day holds.  Yes to the joy that invigorates and refreshes me.  Yes to the sadness that may touch my heart and hurt.  Yes to the confusion and unanswered questions that puzzle me and give me motivation to look for answers.  Yes to the connection and care that nourishes my spirit.  Yes to whatever comes my way. I trust I possess the strength and resources I need for today. 

LOVING KINDNESS

I intend to care for myself lovingly today.  I will make choices that support my wellbeing.  Decisions about the food that nourishes me, mindfulness of what is good for me and what isn’t; I will eat in a manner that says: ‘I care for you today.’  I will take time to stretch and move my body without force or punishment, but rather gently to say: ‘I treat you with respect.’  I will choose interpersonal connections that bring me emotional health and set boundaries that protect me to say: ‘I am looking after you.’  I smile with my whole being when I hear these words.

 

READY, SET, GO

How ready do I have to be in order to be ready?  I know it’s important to have an idea of what my goals are as they give me direction.  But how much preparation do I need to act.  Often I find myself over-preparing.  I rehearse in my mind, set everything up, formulate my arrangements and ruminate about contingency plans for every ‘what if’ I can possibly conceive occurring.   When it’s time to act, I become so anxious I am paralyzed or I try to control so much no one else has any room to move.  These are not options that work well for me or others.

Today, I will make a decision about my goals for now, prepare a direction and then let go trusting the process to unfold and my adequacy to manage it.  I intend to remain in the flow of spontaneity and creativity, allow myself to be influenced and directed by others’ experiences, and change direction if necessary.  I will get ready, set my feet on the ground, breathe and be centered, and then GO and move forward into action.

 

GETTING WHAT I NEED

As I turn my attention inward, I become aware of my body sensations; the aches and pains, tenseness or tightness, rise and fall of my breath and I whisper relax.  I become aware of my thoughts that dart around like arrows from one place to the next so I acknowledge them and then gently let them go.  I become aware of my feelings that flow through my consciousness in this moment and I greet them like old friends.  I ask myself: ‘Is there anything you need?’ and I wait to listen to my inner wisdom’s answer.

Today, I will take notice of what it is I need and accept accountability for meeting them.  I will not expect others to do what I am capable of doing or blame anyone else for what is my responsibility.  I say yes to the experiences of this day trusting I have what I need to face what I encounter one moment at a time.

 

SURPRISE!

Surprises come out of nowhere and BOOM plans change, perspectives shift, things are different than you planned.  It can be challenging to deal with these times of change, especially when they are undesired.  Control and solid ground slip away and the need to adapt and adjust is suddenly necessary.   In these moments I have a choice I can cling to certainty and rigidity and fight against reality or I can trust spontaneity and release my tight grip on ‘what should be’.  

Today I chose to flow and allow life to unfold as it will, remaining centered in my belief in myself, others and my higher power while resting in the knowledge that in this moment all is well.

 

FACING PROMISE

Today holds out promise.  Promise to grow and open myself up to new experiences.  Opportunities to show courage, resilience and compassion, as I take risks and meet responsibilities.  Chances to offer forgiveness, connect and resolve differences, as I interact with those met on my path.  Moments of clarity and confusion, as I attempt to make sense of the mosaic of choices I face.  Times of feeling satisfied, joyful and happy, as well as, sad, afraid, and hurt during the encounter of this day’s challenges.

I breathe, center myself, and open my heart and mind to the presence of now, holding it gently and tenderly.  Welcome, welcome, welcome…