UNITY IN DIVERSITY

Are you right and am I wrong?  Or better yet am I right and you are wrong.  Often when I get in a tug of war over who is right or wrong, we both end up losing.  I become territorial and protective of my ‘emotional and intellectual turf’ and usually find myself saying and doing things that are disrespectful of yours.  You become the bad guy and I find reasons to defend my thoughts and actions.  Soon there is a huge gulf between us and before I know it I lose perspective and balance. 

Today I choose to find the middle ground.  I recognize that having difference of opinion can broaden and expand my being and doesn’t have to tear us apart.  I will look for commonalities and recognize that we are more alike than different.  I will strive for understanding, cohesion, and unity.  When confronted about my beliefs, I will challenge myself to listen before I speak and open my mind to the possibility of influence.  I will make sure you know that I have understood and heard you and validate your right to think and believe whatever you choose to believe.  Then I will request your respect as I voice my opinion and I will communicate my response assertively.  I will acknowledge our shared values rather than spreading seeds of discord.  I affirm that we can still be connected even though we are very different.  Hard as this may be, this is my intention for this day.

HOLDING ON TO HOPE

Hope seems to hide in the shadows some days but when pursued and sought after it bursts into view and fills the heart.   Gratitude exposes hope, remembering feats accomplished reinforces hope, recognizing the resources available in this moment reveals hope, and reaching out to others to embrace and comfort, as well as, be embraced and comforted provides strength to hope. 

Today I will acknowledge the moments of discouragement when they appear and then encourage my heart with grateful recognition of the compassion and loving kindness I have experienced from others.  I will remember I am not alone and never will be.   I will reach out to share what I have to offer to those I encounter.   If I take time to notice I will see the many opportunities to receive and spread hope surrounding me today. 

 

PAIN vs. SUFFERING

Facing turmoil and sad happenings is never a good time.  I can get angry at bad things happening but that doesn’t seem to help much and only makes me and the people around me more miserable.  I can begin to fret and worry about ‘what if’s’ but then anxiety fogs my brain and I become paralyzed by fear.  I can feel guilty about not having it as badly as others do or not doing enough to help out, but blame and shame only increase suffering.  I can run away from it and pretend it doesn’t exist, but denial doesn’t make it disappear.

I’m aware I may not have a choice about feeling pain or sadness; however, I do have a choice about whether or not I will create greater misery and distress.  I choose to feel what I feel in the moment and then release it.  I will not hold on to negative thoughts and catastrophize events, rather I will acknowledge what is occurring and work to change anything that I can control, then I will let go and trust in kindness and compassion.  I accept this day and all it holds with an open mind, open heart, and open hands.

 

Taking a blog rest today.  Will be back tomorrow though.  Have yourself an amazing day.

SPEAKING MY TRUTH

Giving voice to what I think, feel and need is vital to being present and authentic in my relationships.  This isn't always an easy mission.  First, I pause to listen to the whispers of my ‘heart-voice’ within.  Next, I push aside the fears, old resentments and defenses that once provided me with necessary safety but now only hurt and isolate me.  Then, I open my mind and heart to the self-acceptance and validation I desire and need.  From this centered place I choose to stand my ground and express myself to others, knowing that my truth is worth speaking and hearing. 

LIVING THIS MOMENT

I am here and now.  Sometimes, I forget this and notice myself living out of experiences from the past.  I am bound by old beliefs, injunctions and feelings, allowing them to guide the events of today.  I neglect to remember that I have little current evidence to support these old ways of life now and am stuck in a loop of what used to be.  Sometimes, I realize I am trying to live in the future.  Imagining what will happen, filling my heart and mind with expectations, anxiety, and ‘what if’s’.  It is very distracting and difficult to be present to the moment that is now when I am caught up in what is yet to come.

Today, I choose to re-focus my awareness to the present here and now.  I may or may not like this moment, however, if I open my heart to it I will discover what it holds for me, after all I believe it is part of my journey for a reason.  I have demonstrated many times I have the resources that are required to deal with whatever I encounter.

Therefore, I will embrace this day and remember everything is temporary and will be history soon.  I release the temptation to push away or grasp and hold on to this moment.  I will stay present to myself and others today.

FORGIVENESS

To let go of my grievances, have a willingness to start over, and resist bringing up old accusations; forgiveness really requires a great deal of courage and trust.  I sometimes cling to my criticisms and complaints as if they will provide protection or shield me from future pain.  In reality, they only amplify my hurt and create an increased sense of victimization.  It is important to communicate when I experience distress or disrespect, to stand up for myself and let others know when they have offended me.  It is also important to be adequately heard, understood, and validated.  However, when others have sincerely expressed regret or admitted guilt and made amends, at some point I have to make a decision to let go and forgive.

Today, I will comfort and reassure the parts of myself that want to defend and isolate.  I will remind myself that it is safe to trust again and that I can let go of old resentments and start over.  I will free myself from relationships that are hurtful, repeatedly wounding and unhealthy.  I will hold on to the connections in my life that open me to growth, acceptance, and love.  I can forgive and believe in new beginnings.

ASSUMPTIONS

Assumptions are not my friend.  They enter into my relationships uninvited and create endless drama, chaos and discord.  Sometimes, they gatecrash and are part of my thinking without invitation.  Sneaky little devils they are, I’m already in the midst of self-righteous attack mode when suddenly I am made aware of their presence.   I realize the simple ‘virus-protection’ against assumptions is checking out that I have understood your intention and heard you correctly before I respond to what you say and do.  However, often I am so anxious to make you understand me that I forget to take time to listen to you.

Today, I choose to listen more thoroughly and consciously.  I will slow down and make sure I hear not only your words and actions but also your intention and I will remain conscious of my own interpretations and judgments.  I will not jump to conclusions rather I will take time to understand what is going on and offer you the respect I would want when you listen to me.  This is my intent for the day.

 

PERFECTIONISM

Perfectionism is an unyielding, brutal dictator that can take over my life if I’m not paying attention, especially when I’m scared and feeling a lack of control.  There is a part of me that likes to strive for flawlessness and mistakenly believes that I am worthless if I am less than perfect.  This part used to rule with an iron glove and paralyze me.  Fortunately, I have learned to recognize the young girl who tries so hard to achieve the illusion of perfection as she hides behind a curtain of distortion like the Wizard did in Oz.  I can now relieve her from duty fairly fast by reassuring her that she is accepted and loved no matter what she says, does, thinks, needs, or feels.  I remind her that she is human and that her mistakes help her learn and grow.  I comfort her by letting her know that her worth and value isn’t defined by what she does but rather by who she is.  I encourage her to trust herself and those I bring into her life and assure her that she is safe from abandonment or betrayal.  She is usually ready to let go of working so hard and hands control back to me with a sigh of relief. 

Today, I will slow down and recognize my need for reassurance and comfort.  I will acknowledge the worth and value of my being and affirm I am enough.  I can let go of the search for perfection and accept myself and this moment as it is.

 

MEETING MY OWN NEEDS

Taking time to relax and focus on my own needs is not my usual behavior.  It is more comfortable and routine to attend to others' needs.  Overcoming the internal injunctions that command me to put others first can be a difficult practice.  Recognizing and knowing what I need requires that I listen to the small voice within me and give it permission to speak louder.

Today I choose to release myself from the guilt and pressure I experience when I focus on myself.  I will affirm that my needs matter and are a priority.  I give myself permission to rest and enjoy this day.

GOOD / BAD ---> WHO KNOWS

Gratitude reminds me of the how many things/people/situations in my life are gifts.  As I recognize each one and say thanks my heart expands into a flow of humble silence.  What did I do to deserve this blessing?  I have no answer.

Today I reflect on my judgment of what is considered blessing and what I define as curse.   Good / Bad ---> who knows!  Sometimes gratitude feels far from my consciousness and I struggle to see the ‘silver lining’ that is present.  In those moments I’m called to trust in the belief of ‘resurrection’.  All things can be transformed to bring life and light through time, openness, and hope. 

I choose to refrain from judging my experiences into categories of good or bad today and open my vision to a more spacious view with gratitude.

SHAMING LANGUAGE

Shaming can feel as natural as breathing at times.  YOU messages slip off of my tongue without any awareness of the shame they impart because they have become such a part of me.  I hear these messages echo through my brain, limiting my vision of myself and then find myself saying the same things to others, not intending harm, but inflicting it none the less.  Doing unto others what has been done to me.

'You did what?', 'You’re ________!’,‘You can’t…’, ‘You need to …’, ‘You’re not good enough’, ‘What’s the matter with you?’, ‘You’ll never…’, ‘You should or shouldn’t…’

Today I choose to be more conscious of the way I use the word YOU.   I want to treat myself and others with greater acceptance, respect, and compassion.

 

RESPONSIBILITY

I am not responsible for other’s choices.  I wasn’t responsible then and I’m not responsible now.  The pain of watching poor choices and consequences will not invoke guilt, perhaps sadness, but not guilt.  Did I close the door of my heart to past pain because it was too much to bear?  Perhaps, and it was for my own survival.  Can I bear to care now?  It’s still painful to watch them flounder and drown.     I wish I could have made it all better and given them something to hold on to.  I was busy grasping for the lines of rescue myself; I had nothing to throw.  When my feet were finally on firm ground, it felt impossible to go back without being dragged back under. 

I release myself from the burden of guilt that is still on my shoulders.  When I hear echoes of other’s shame making me responsible for things that were never mine to bear, I will respond with ‘it’s your shame, not mine. I carried it long enough.  No more.’  Today I will listen to healthier voices giving me permission to breathe and be.  These are the voices I choose to believe today.

 

BEING TOLERANT

Seems as though wherever I go these days there is a 'them vs. us' attitude and it offers the invitation for me to grow in fostering tolerance within myself, as well as, looking for commonalities instead of differences. 

Today, I resolve to:

·        Open my mind to listen to another’s point of view without immediate judgment.

·        Be curious about what it is that another person finds so compelling and convincing about their argument, (is it based on misinformation, past hurt, the need to win or be one up, fear or prejudice) what motivates this point of view?  It’s just so easy to judge.

·        Listen carefully to my own strong reactions. Know my own prejudices.  If I’m unable to recognize my own shadow, I will see and condemn it in another.  I know this is true.

·        Remain engaged in living with the questions of when to draw the line on tolerance and say NO MORE that’s injustice?  What if either way I turn someone is being treated in an unjust way?   Who is an expendable crewman?  Am I?  Are you?

·       Stay concious of the ways we are more alike than different.

It is so hard to cultivate tolerance in my heart.  I so easily believe my convictions about other’s convictions are the RIGHT ones.  I choose to keep an open mind and heart today even though it’s difficult, ask questions, listen, and look for commonalities. 

HANDLING CONFLICT

When faced with the challenge of being disrespected, it is so easy to strike back or get even by engaging in a war of hurtful words.  Even though I may think taking aim and firing angry comebacks is going to keep me safe, in reality it only escalates and divides making connection, understanding, and wellbeing more difficult.  Sadly, I realize I had skillful training from my early caregivers in this ‘take no prisoners’/’strike before they strike you’/’blaming & shaming’ form of communication.  However, if I want to I know I can choose to change my response pattern and learn more effective ways to handle conflict.

Today, I acknowledge I am no longer a child being bombarded by irresponsible adults.  I can choose to recognize my emotional reactivity and responsibly take ‘time outs’ to cool down and protect myself.  I can speak words of comfort and reassurance to my younger self and remember that I am safe now and no longer have to use older more dangerous methods of defense.  I can listen to what I need and want and express my truth in a clear, assertive manner.  While these are not always easy choices to make in the moment, I know that they ultimately foster the satisfying, meaningful connection I desire within myself and with others.   

I will remain aware of how I respond to the conflicts and challenges I face today and take responsibility for my reactions and choices.

BREATHE & BE
 

 Rushing from here to there, trying to keep everyone happy, having too much to do and forgetting to breathe; these can sometimes be the hallmarks of my day.  I allow myself to become over-committed, scattered, and out of touch with myself.  When this occurs, I go through the motions of accomplishing in a fog and miss many moments of connection, presence and meaning. 

Today, I intend to slow down and take my time.  I want to see you and be me.  Nothing is as important as BEING.  The doing that needs to occur will still happen, however, I choose conscious, purposeful action instead of a blur of activity.  One moment at a time, aware of breath, grounded, present, me and you.

 

 

 

 

APPRECIATING DIVERSITY

How sad it would be if we didn’t live in such a diverse world.  If everyone thought the same, looked the same, believed the same I wonder whether I would ever be challenged to grow or change.  I would perhaps be afraid to be ‘different than’ and conform quickly to the norm.  I wouldn’t have to think about who I am because my identity would already be well defined.  I wouldn’t have to work so hard to understand or relate to you because we would like the same things and look at situations the same way.  There would be consistency, stability, uniformity, and permanence.  I somehow think I would soon find this experience boring, dull, uninteresting and humdrum.   

I much prefer divergent ideas and a variety of values and morals to challenge the limits I place on myself and others.  I enjoy opening my mind, questioning, and listening to different opinions, even if it’s sometimes irritating and hard to be poles apart.  I love the creative energy that emerges when people come together with a willingness to be influenced by one another.   I believe that we all share the same desire to be valued, respected, accepted, and loved.  Today, I choose to expand my heart, embrace difference, and surrender my desire to be right. 

LETTING GO OF CONTROL

When I am troubled about outcomes it is so easy to think that ruminating about solutions will provide answers to my problems.  I know that my preoccupation and concern is centered in a belief that I can somehow control or manipulate to what I want.  There are times when I can influence things, but many times situations are beyond my control.  I only end up making myself anxious, tense, frustrated, and angry.

In moments such as these, I am reminded that the Serenity Prayer expresses what I most need.  I want to accept the things I cannot change and trust my life is unfolding to my benefit.  I believe that I do have the courage to change the things I can.  And I pray that I have the wisdom to know the difference. Today, I choose to open my heart and let go of the need to control outcomes.

STILLING THE WORRY

Worrying comes naturally to me.  I can worry about my responsibilities, guilt, family and friends, my own or others’ safety, health, finances, challenges and threats, problems, failures, enemies, pressures and the list rolls on…  Some part of me is convinced that if I worry about something, it will assure a happy ending.  After all most of what I worry about almost never happens.  I realize this is a control fallacy and yet at times remain irrationally reassured that my worrying has a magical power to affect change.  Usually the only changes I experience are sleepless nights, stomach problems, headaches and tense muscles, impatience and irritation, inability to stay in the present moment, increased anxiety and continual low-grade fear. 

Today, I choose to still the rumbling worry within me.  I will speak words of reassurance and comfort to myself and take time to breathe deeply and remember that in this moment there is no danger or threat.  I choose to focus on the abundance that surrounds me with gratitude.  I will patiently and gently redirect myself as worry invades my consciousness and embrace this day and all it holds moment by moment.

 

 

HAVING NEEDS

I want to open my mind and heart to my own needing.  Long ago, I learned to silence the inner voice that allows me to know when I have a need by putting my focus on keeping others’ happy and meeting their needs.  Eventually, I lost awareness of what I need and occasionally when needs surfaced into consciousness, I labeled myself self-centered, egotistical, greedy, immature, or annoying.  I even justified my other-centeredness as the ‘moral/Christian/right’ way to be. 

I now know that it’s very difficult to give to others what I don’t allow myself without resentment,  jealousy, and envy. Even most religions hold to some type of Golden Rule to ‘treat others the way you’d like to be treated’.

Today, I intend to be mindful of my needs, whether it’s a survival need (food, water, shelter, medical care) or a need to protect myself from harm or threat.  I will recognize my need to be loved and connected to others, as well as, my need to matter and know that I am of worth and value.  I give myself permission to grow and change.  I acknowledge my right to be and have needs. 

SPEAKING MY TRUTH

How many times have I avoided speaking up and simply pushed down my feelings, thoughts or needs.  I tell myself if I say what I am thinking, it will create waves or cause problems and it’s better to have peace than honesty.  I also tell myself what I think or feel doesn’t matter that much because no one is really listening or interested anyway so silence is golden.  Sometimes, I tell myself if I’m honest others will reject me, shame me, or make fun of me because what I have to say isn’t of that much value so it’s better to just be quiet.  Other times, I think if I start expressing my feelings I won’t be able to contain them and they will explode all over the place, so it’s better just to hold them in.  After a lifetime of being held hostage by these old messages, I can completely lose touch with what I think and feel.  When asked to voice an opinion I simply respond “I don’t know” or tell a half truth.

Today it is safe to know my truth and communicate it.  I will affirm that I have a right to think what I think and feel what I feel.  I will comfort the younger part of me that holds on to these old beliefs and encourage him/her to speak up so I can listen with compassion to myself.  I will express what I know with integrity, respect, and sincerity even if others find it troublesome.  I now believe it is more satisfying to be authentic than superficial, better to be seen and heard than to hide out. 

My truth is of value and worth and I have the courage to connect and communicate it.

TAKING RISKS

As I contemplate the possibility of taking risks today I wonder what holds me back.   Certainly fears:  fear of being wrong, fear of making a mistake, fear of looking like a fool in someone else’s eyes, fear of failure, fear of vulnerability, fear of being hurt, fear of not being in control, fear of rejection or abandonment.   Then I also wonder what I might gain.  Perhaps the chance to find out I’m still accepted and respected even if I’m not perfect maybe greater self-acceptance and trust in my own capabilities, certainly freedom from regrets.  Today, with courage, I will take one new risk just to see what happens.

STRENGTH FOR THE MOMENT

I am a strong and resilient person even in the face of the frustrations, disappointments, and struggles I may encounter.  I believe I have the strength and spontaneity that will be required today.  This belief has been born from a long history of remembering the difficult challenges I have already overcome.   When I become wrapped up in the idea of needing to know how the future will unfold and imagining whether or not I will have the resources to deal with it, I can become overwhelmed, anxious and fearful.  Future-casting is really not a very beneficial exercise. 

I choose to remain focused on today and present to the opportunities that will show up.  I trust that when difficulties appear, I possess adequate creativity, wherewithal and resilience.  I can relax, breathe, and let go of my need to defend and protect.  I am already enough.

DEALING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT

There are days when my inner ‘trust-meter’ is almost empty.   I hear the words:   

·        “Just trust me!” and I want to respond “Yeah, sure…” or 

·        “Trust the process”  and I want to whine “It’s too hard” or  

·        “Trust yourself” and I struggle not to say “You’ve got to be kidding”

When I am disappointed by others or I let myself down, it can be very difficult to produce hope.  When bad things suddenly happen with no warning, like natural disasters, illness, or unexpected disillusionment, it can be challenging to hold on to resilience. 

Despite the contrary evidence that may occur today, I want to keep my feet planted on the firm ground of promise and optimism.  I remind myself that whatever disappointment or discouragement I feel in this moment, it is only temporary and is often followed by reassurance, forgiveness, comfort, and support.  While I may have had many moments of let down, I have had many more moments of hope and connection.  So with courage and conviction, I will open my heart and mind to say YES to this day, YES to myself, and YES to those I will encounter in it. 
 

BOUNDARIES

Boundaries can be so confusing and complicated.  There are so many kinds of them:  physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, intellectual, professional, personal, environmental, cultural, and probably many others.  In addition, some of my boundaries are very rigid and inflexible, some are easily influenced by others opinions, some are very weak, some are flexible and ever-changing, some are resilient.   I recognize that boundaries help me to define myself and give me a sense of identity, and yet many times I am unaware of how they affect the decisions I make daily.  My beliefs about when to say yes or no to how or when I choose to be touched, who I invite into my space, what I want to do or not do, whether or not it’s okay to have my own thoughts and feelings and let others have theirs too, all of these things have changed many times over the years.   I imagine my boundaries will continue to shift as I clarify my beliefs, expand my consciousness, and redefine who I am and who you are. 

Today I want to increase awareness of my boundaries.  I will modify those that no longer meet my needs and give myself permission to utilize those that do.  I will respect others’ boundaries and remind myself that boundaries create healthy connections within me and with you.

MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES

I can make healthy choices if I choose to do so.  No one else is responsible for the choices I make.  There are times when I like to blame other people or situations for my feelings and actions.  I tell myself: ‘I’m too tired to go for a walk today’ or ‘I’d rather eat junk food than fix a healthy meal’ or ‘I don’t have time to meditate or be still’; but I am aware that these are excuses and easy outs.  The consequence of continual poor choices tends to be illness, depression, and shame and these outcomes are not options I want in my life.

Abundance surrounds me and today I will be more conscious of the wide range of choice I have when I am tempted to fall into old familiar routines and habits.  I can determine what will support my health and well-being and motivate myself to move in that direction.  I choose to see myself as empowered and responsible rather than stuck in a victim mode.  Today I choose life and will make one healthy choice at a time.

 

UNPLUGGING FROM CHAOS

Life is so busy and moving so quickly.  From the moment I gain consciousness in the morning I am bombarded with input from outside sources.  Voicemail, email, IMs, news shows, Facebook, Twitter, friends, family, work all clamoring for my immediate attention.  It is very difficult to block out all the noise and find enough stillness to hear the voice inside me.  The voice that informs me of what it is I need, what I feel; the voice that affirms I am a human being and not a human doing.  When I move too quickly or respond out of habit instead of choice, I lose my center and grounded-ness.  Suddenly, outside forces control my attention, I’m swept up in the momentum of anxiety and I find myself lost in the midst of others’ needs, thoughts, and problems.  In the end I become resentful, inpatient, unhappy, and over time depressed.

Today, I choose to give myself permission to slow down and take time to breathe and be still.  I will listen to my own feelings and needs and savor the quiet.  Very little in this day is an emergency, I can choose to move at my own pace and stay in my own process.  Things will still get done: emails sent, calls returned, people attended to, work done.  I want to remember to unplug from the rushing flow of outside noise for short times throughout this day and remember to breathe and just be.

EXPRESSING ANGER

Expressing anger can be a difficult task, I find it difficult to remain assertive, direct, and respectful.  Sometimes it’s so easy to become reactive and say or do things that I later regret.  Other times, I want to freeze, run away, hide, and wait until the ‘storm clouds’ are gone.  Having had the experience of anger being expressed irresponsibly; I tend to shy away from it until it has built into an erupting volcano.  Then I find myself repeating a pattern of expression that I swore I would never repeat.  Having been blamed for things that weren’t my fault; I can easily be triggered into thinking I’m being targeted unfairly.  Then I become enraged and rant about the injustice being committed, even though the injustice I’m reacting to really happened a long time ago. 

Today, I choose to recognize when I am having a reactive response and take time to center myself before I respond.  I can be curious about my feelings and ask myself ‘what am I hurt, scared, disappointed, frustrated, confused about’, often it’s not really anger.  I can explore how I’m interpreting what is going on and determine if I’m overgeneralizing or catastrophizing or only looking at part of the picture.  I can check out my perceptions to make sure they are accurate.  I can invite the younger part of myself to let me know what she/he needs and make sure there is safety and protection.   I can make the decision to speak up for myself assertively and let others know what I think, feel, and need in response to their behavior.  I can set boundaries if unreasonable demands are being made of me.   

I have many more inner resources than when I was younger at my disposal now.  I am no longer powerless or vulnerable.  I know how to ask for help if I need it and rather than using my power to control or harm, I can focus on empowering myself.

 

FEELINGS

My feelings are my friend.  At times, it’s tempting to push them away, hide them inside, or rationalize them away; especially the ones I expect to be minimized, judged or misunderstood by others.  Frequently it’s my own rejection of myself that I project on to those around me.  As I accept the value and validity of my emotions and have the courage to express them, amazingly, those around me often open their hearts to hear and validate my experience.  When this doesn’t happen, no longer do I need to shut down and withdraw.  There is room for my feelings just as there is room for yours.  I don’t have to negate my own experience in order for you to have yours.  I choose to remember this today.

 

 

  RESPONSIBILITY FOR HAPPINESS

If I were taking a fill-in-the-blank test and the question “Who is responsible for your happiness?” was on it, I know the answer would be “I am”. However there are some moments when I would definitely fill in others’ names and situations. Someone says or does something, or doesn’t say or do something I’m expecting, things don’t go as I planned or situations occur that get in my way and I am very quick to assign blame for my frustration and discontent. Suddenly I’m in the old role of victim and life is happening TO me. I have the illusion of no control or responsibility for my own happiness. I give away my power sinking into ‘poor me’ and feeling angry and resentful. I can even look for ways to make others feel guilty for not pleasing me.

I no longer choose to live from this familiar victim mentality. I know that if I am disappointed, frustrated, or upset about something someone does or doesn’t do, I have the power to speak up and express myself. I recognize that when things don’t go as planned I can look for ways to modify what’s happening or change my strategy. Today I will take responsibility for the younger part of myself that wants to blame others and gently nurture, listen, and reassure. I am accountable for my own happiness.

MAKING ASSUMPTIONS

How often have I heard “Well, I assumed that…” or have I thought “That must mean…”  Assumptions and judgments so easily warp my reality.  They convince me that my interpretations are justified and that my perceptions are ‘the truth’.  Sometimes, I forget that although my thoughts and feelings are valid they aren’t necessarily facts.  My assumptions tend to be built on old expectations of rejection, betrayal, and hurt.  When I jump to conclusions and then act on them, I increase my distress, which creates chaos for myself and others, and prevents the connection I desire.  

Today, I will check out my judgments before I act.  I will steer clear of assumptions and ask for clarification to be sure I am hearing accurately before I solidify my experience into fact.  I will be curious, open my mind to alternative interpretations and modify my beliefs when needed.   I choose to listen to what you are saying rather than what I expect you to say.