LETTING MYSELF TRUST

Here I am allowing grudges and hurts from the past to control the relationships I have today.  What stops me?  Doubt, suspicion, fear of being lied to, manipulated, or abandoned, although I admit there is no evidence to indict the person in front of me right now.  I still find myself holding back and unable to relax and trust.  I acknowledge that damage has occurred, however, I refuse to be limited by my past.

Today I will remind the younger part of me that I do have a choice about who I allow into my inner circle.  I have a right to be treated with respect and can say yes or no and set boundaries.  I am no longer the naïve younger person I once was.  Over the years, I have learned to choose more wisely and recognize signs of trouble.  I have found my voice and am able to express what needs to be said.  I am safe now and can trust myself and those I choose to love.

 

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS

As I move through this day I want to pass on the little things that mean so much to me, warm my heart, and often make my day.  A smile at a person on the street, holding a door for a stranger, letting someone else pull out before me in a parking lot or go ahead of me at the store check-out, an unexpected email note that is supportive, an invitation to get coffee or lunch, giving someone that extra change they need at the cash register, an offer to help carry something; these kind, little gestures warm my heart and remind me that I am seen and valued.    Frequently, I become busy and overwhelmed with daily stress and can develop an egotistical, self-centered view of life that is filled with a me first, my needs are more important than yours kind of attitude.  I hardly notice what's going on around me.

Today I choose to broaden my vision so that it isn’t just about me and it also isn’t just about you, but rather a mutual sharing of respect, appreciation, and consideration for myself and others.  I will play it forward and make someone's day. Amazing how contagious kindness is and how much I receive when I give. 

SAYING HELLO TO NOW

Opening myself to new possibilities can be difficult when I still have unresolved losses or incomplete endings.   Old grudges, resentment, long-standing hurt, lost friendships, grief can stand in the way of receiving and accepting new gifts.  Change brings with it the challenge of letting go and saying goodbye.  Sometimes this opportunity is ripped away from me by others and other times I choose to walk away out of anger, fear, or hurt.  Regardless, I want to make peace with the past so that I can be available and open my heart to the present. 

Today I will acknowledge my unexpressed emotion, say what needs to be said, grieve what might have been, forgive and ask for forgiveness, and release these old memories.  I am a resilient, determined, kind person who deserves to be loved.  It is safe to open my heart to embrace new experiences and take delight in the gifts of now.

GIVING WITHOUT RECEIVING

It is time to retire from being responsible for others’ happiness.  I have a habit of allowing my need to please other people and my fear of abandonment to influence the decisions I make.   Often, I end up doing things I really don’t want to do.  It is one thing to be cooperative and helpful, but quite another to extend assistance that harms me, comes from a place of ‘what will people think…’, or isn’t really appreciated, wanted or is repeatedly rejected.  If saying yes to you means I’m saying no to me, then a change is needed. 

Today, I will reassure myself that you are responsible for your own life satisfaction and release my need to control or manage your life.  I will give myself permission to set emotional boundaries and recognize that doing so does not make me selfish or narcissistic.  I have a right to set limits and  I deserve respect. I will not allow my fear of being rejected by you cause me to reject myself.  I have a right to say no.

DARE TO BE ADEQUATE

There are days when I get so tired of being strong.  I forget that I no longer have to avoid my vulnerability and I fail to remember that it’s okay to take chances and risk failure.  I struggled for so many years believing that I would only be accepted and loved if I was mistake free.  Of course, flawlessness was impossible so I ended up berating myself and being afraid to let others see my weakness.   Now I know that I can be myself and it is good enough.  My errors are very helpful, I usually learn more from them than my successes.   I put forth my best effort and if others aren’t happy with the results, I refuse to internalize or take responsibility for their displeasure.   

Today, I will breathe, relax and let go of unachievable standards.  If I need help, I will ask for it without shame.  I release myself from measuring outcomes and trust my efforts are enough.  I will allow others to be accountable for their own happiness and no longer assume it is my job.   I can dare to be adequate.

ABUNDANCE FLOWS

Abundance seems to multiply as I share what I have, what I know, and who I am.  I learned when I was younger to hold on to things because often it seemed there was a scarcity of food, money, safety, love, or whatever I needed.  Survival depended upon keeping secrets, holding in the truth, and grabbing what you could get when you had a chance.   Sharing and generosity were out of the question.  It felt as though only the strongest, most resilient, and quickest endured. 

Today, I no longer have to grasp for what I need.  I have come to understand that it is safe to let go and I have experienced the universe as a kind and caring place to be.  As I release grudges and skeletons in my closet, compassion and forgiveness expand my heart.  As I surrender the fear of not having enough or being enough and stop holding on so tightly to what I possess, I discover an unlimited abundance that flows and emerges mysteriously.  As I share what I have and know with others, I find a treasure chest of rich supply.  I have learned there is more than enough to go around for all of us.

FRIENDS

Friends bring me solace and comfort when I am down. They remind me that I am loveable and that it’s safe to open my heart to receive when I feel alone.  They challenge me to accept parts of myself I would easily reject.  They teach me the power of forgiveness and show belief in my ability to change when I don’t believe in myself.  Friends give me space when I need space and patiently beckon me out of my shell when I isolate.  Friends embrace, confront, understand, tease, remember, support, trust, respect, laugh, encourage, motivate, share, risk, explore, dance, and loyally stand by me.

Today, I will bless and have gratitude for the ways in which friends have enriched my life.  I will reach out and endeavor to bring to others what has so generously been given to me.

EMBRACING MY FEELINGS

When I build my world around how I feel it is a tumultuous roller coaster ride.  My feelings only determine part of my reality; an important part, no doubt, but still only one part.  They are not a reliable guide through the day since they are so transient and changeable.  They tell me when my needs are being met or when I am missing something.  At times, their energy swells inside me to motivate me into action or drags me down into what seems like a bottomless pit. I can think my feelings will never change and I will ‘always’ feel the way I do right now.  However, like the ocean, they do ebb and flow, rise and fall.  It is helpful to remember this when I feel stuck.  My feelings can also point the way to my beliefs, since the way in which I interpret the events of my day determines the emotional experience I have.  They let me know when I am overgeneralizing, catastrophizing, making assumptions or distorting my reality in some unhelpful way.   

Today, I choose to listen to my feelings and allow them to inform me of my needs, clarify my underlying thoughts, and move me into action.  I will allow their waves to wash over me while I savor the moments of joy and pleasure I may experience, breathe and release moments of difficulty and pain, and embrace, respect and accept more fully my own and others feelings.

ACCEPTANCE OF SELF

Some days it is difficult to silence the internal struggle that tries to convince me of my inadequacy and inability to succeed.  Past voices of fear, memories of hurt, and experiences of disappointment and rejection create discord and shout to be heard.  Today, I will surround the younger part of myself with a soft blanket of affirmation and encouragement.  I will comfort and speak words of reassurance and hope.  I will remind myself of the strength and resilience I possess, as well as, the many experiences of acceptance, connection, and accomplishment that have already occurred in my life.  I can breathe and can trust in my own enough-ness.  I do not have to work so hard to prove my worth and value.  There is limitless resource in this day.  I will open my heart to recognize it and pass it on to others.

STILLNESS

The road before me presents opportunities to expand and grow and chances to rest and reflect.  Today is a resting day, tomorrow is an expanding day.  I will take time today to be quiet and centered, enjoying the moments as they unfold.  Giving myself time to dream and envision hopes, then breathe and relax in the present.  So often when it is a slow day, I clutter the time with busywork, noise and worries, then I wonder why I'm exhausted, worn out, and impatient. I learned when I was young not to stand still, it was harder to hit a moving object.  So I stayed very busy in order to avoid being hurt.  I worked hard to please others and prove that my existence had worth and value.  It was dangerous to relax.
 
I am consciously choosing to slow down today and be still.  I no longer have to work so hard.  It is safe to stop and take time to renew and refresh.  Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile and know it is a wonderful moment.

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

I face this day with the audacity to be me.  I will express my thoughts and feelings and accomplish what I need to do, some people may agree with me and others may not.  I will remain rooted in the right to be who I am.  While, it is comforting and supportive when others show their approval, it is no longer necessary for me to have the approval of others to have safety or happiness.  I have declared my independence from allowing others to define me.  I can still consider others’ feedback and be influenced by outside opinions, however, I have the freedom to choose who or what inspires change in me.  Others have the same right I give myself and when I am not pleased with the way someone else is responding or behaving, I will remember that I do not have permission to demand or control another’s choices.  It is not their responsibility to make me happy. They have the same right to determine their own pathway as I do.

I face this day with an open mind and courageous heart, taking the risk to be me and allowing you to be you.

WE ARE ALL ONE

No one is expendable, however watching the evening news and hearing about the disequilibrium of wealth, healthcare, food, housing, work and the seemingly lack of concern expressed by those in positions to make change is scary and extremely sad.  The strong survive and the weak or vulnerable let them fend for themselves often feels like the prevailing attitude.  It is very discouraging and easy to feel powerless some days. 

Today, I will remind myself that acceptance and compassion begin within and works outward.  I will treat myself and the others I encounter on the journey today with respect and acknowledge the worth and value of alll life.  I will remain open-minded and curious, asking questions, listening, speaking my truth when required, and showing generosity and empathy.  I may not change the whole world but I might be able to change the world of someone today and I choose to remember that loving kindness is contagious and ripple outwards.  I take hope in the many people I admire who choose a life of benevolence and peace and hold a belief that we are all one.

OVERCOMING FEAR

‘Here a fear, there a fear, everywhere a fear.’  There are some days when fear is present from the moment I wake up and seems to stick around like a best friend.   Self-doubt, what-if’s, blame, making excuses, catastrophic thinking, figuring out plans to manipulate and control circumstances and people, stomach aches threaten to paralyze me.   Pushing it away with will-power is ineffective, perhaps some temporary relief, but fear is like a persistent virus that keeps coming back.    

As it appears today, I will breathe and mindfully acknowledge fear’s presence having gratitude for the ways in which my psyche intends to keep me safe.  I will ascertain what is creating the fear (a stressful situation, lack of sleep, doubt in my own abilities, concern about another’s reaction, possible undesired outcomes, etc.)  I will assess how much danger actually exists and decide if caution is called for in the moment.  It typically isn’t.  I will then comfort the younger part of myself that feels frightened and gently rock her with words of comfort:  You are enough, You can ask for help if you need it, if mistakes occur you will learn from them and move on it’s not the end of the world, You cannot control what others choose to do or not do, You have all the resources you need in the moment even if you can’t see them right now, You are never truly alone.   Love and reassurance do help to dispel fear.  I will breathe; calm my anxious body and step into this day with hope, trust, courage, and resilience.

COOPERATION VS. COMPETITION

Be number one!  Win at all costs!  Be at the head of your class!  Honor assemblies!  So much of what we hear every day exhorts us to be better than others.  Only if we get ahead of others are we successful.  Too bad for the guy left behind, just step right over him/her.  We get compared to others from the day we are born.  Who does he look like?  How does she compare to the norm?  It intensifies in our school years through sports, grades, popularity contests, and pressure to be the best.  Then, we move into our adult years with a firmly entrenched belief that unless we are better than others we aren’t ‘winners.’   I struggle daily to let go of this belief and to recognize my own and others’ worth and value.  It’s hard to let go of a belief that my agenda and way of doing things isn’t always the best way.  I take on way too much responsibility and at times, I become judgmental, critical, arrogant and alienate others by my need to prove I am better than.  I forget how interdependent we all are and that we need each other.

Today, I choose to focus on cooperation and collaboration.  I want to honor other’s efforts and find ways to work together to achieve OUR outcomes.  It is satisfying, fulfilling, fun and life giving to experience mutuality and affinity.  Two heads are better than one and three heads are even better.  I will recognize when I am in my competitive mind, acknowledge my need for self -affirmation and then remember we are all in this together and move toward collaborative action.

FINDING SERENITY

When I wake up in the morning worrying about the who, what, where, when, and how’s of my day, it is difficult to find peace and focus.  Worry can boost me to take action or avoid risky behavior, but usually it is toxic to my nervous system and not all that useful.  It clouds my judgment and blocks my spontaneity.  It prevents me from relaxing and enjoying the present moment, being with the people I am with and is a huge time waster.  Since it seems to be a compulsive behavior that shows up whenever I am preparing for something I’m not accustomed to doing, I need to take active anti-worry action.

I will become aware of my breath and spend time consciously relaxing my muscles and focusing on the present moment, releasing my anxiety and opening my heart to whatever is bothering me.  I will identify my worries and ascertain if they are valid concerns.  If they are, I will make a concrete plan to resolve the conflict or ask for help.  However, usually worry has to do with circumstances beyond my control, ie, other’s choices or behaviors, apprehension about the unknown, lack of confidence in my own adequacy, etc.  So, I will reassure myself of my enough-ness and whisper the Serenity Prayer.  I can face this day with Serenity, Courage, and Wisdom.

STOP, DROP, AND ROLL

I remember being given advice as a child, “if you catch on fire STOP, DROP AND ROLL.”  This saying could be helpful for me to remember whenever I begin to burn inside with intense emotion.  To STOP in my tracks and take a time out to give my body and my mind a chance to cool down; if I don’t I will most likely say or do something I will later regret.  To DROP down into a place within me to reflect on what is creating my reactivity, what story am I telling myself about the person or situation that is upsetting me so much?  Sometimes it’s a distortion such as, “You never or always…” or a judgment like, “You should”.  Other times it’s an assumption or some meaning I’m assigning that may or may not be true because I “just know”.  Identifying what I think will help me understand where my feeling is coming from and then I can figure out what I need in this situation, maybe to be treated with respect, or to know that you value and appreciate me, or to be heard or understood.  I will get nowhere if my need is to expect you to change since I don’t have the right to tell you what to do but I can ask for what I want or need.  Taking time to recognize my process will help me to ROLL.  Now, I can assertively tell you what I think, feel and need without creating a firestorm and we can find a solution to our problem rather than creating a bigger one. 

I want to remember this adage and apply it as I face the challenges of this day. 

HAVING FAITH

I have faith as it flourishes and abundantly shows up around me.

·       Faith in friends who lovingly support and nourish me with their affirmations and embraces. 

·       Faith in my God who is always there to sustain and support me in good times and in bad.

·       Faith in myself with a belief that I am enough and have something to add to this world that is of value.

·       Faith in human kind despite the evidence that we are a greedy, violent, self-centered people; I also believe that we are and can become more compassionate, peace-loving, and generous.

·       Faith in nature that resiliently adapts, restores itself, and overflows with life force and energy.

It feels good to have the assurance of my convictions and to place my confidence and trust in what I believe.

MOVING TOWARDS GOALS

Like a scared child I often hear myself saying “I can’t” or “Well, I’ll try” without any intention of putting effort into what needs to be accomplished so I can then say to myself “See, I told you it wouldn’t work”.  As those voices surface within me today, I will reassure and comfort the part of me that is frightened.  I will take stock of whether or not the endeavor I’m trying to complete is what I truly want or whether it’s something I think I should do to please others,  something I’m stuck in doing that I once wanted but no longer desire, or something that I’m doing for motives that aren’t in my integrity.  It’s possible to change course and redirect my efforts if needed.  However, I may need to remind myself of the many goals I have achieved that I once thought were unreachable.  I am often a poor judge of my own capabilities.  Those who know me and love me encourage, cheer, and celebrate qualities within me I can forget or brush under the table. 

Today, I will access my current willingness to do what needs to be done and distinguish between what is difficult to do and what I don't' want to do.  I will nurture and remind my scared self of the accomplishments I have reached and reinforce my belief that I can achieve what I can dream.  I will take one step today closer to the unimaginable, unreachable goal I have set.  

SURFING THE WAVES

As the ebbs and flows of this day begin, I choose to surf the waves of feeling that show up.  Perhaps I will experience the high of excitement and passion or the low of discouragement and sadness, maybe the intensity of anger and fear or the blah-ness of apathy and boredom.  Whatever this day holds, it will be colored by the sensation of my emotions.  I can try to hold back, ignore, or bury the ones I don’t want to experience, however they will only show up in the disguises of illness, over-reactions, and projection onto others.  So I might as well tap into my courage and face what comes.  I can also over-express feelings that carry intense energy and in the process wear myself or others out, create drama, and give in to urges that I’ll later regret. 

Today, I choose to value my emotions and pay attention to the wisdom they hold about how my needs are or aren’t being met.  I will communicate assertively and honestly, giving myself permission to express what I think, feel, and need.  I will take time outs when I become mindful of being over-activated to center myself and refocus my intention.  My feelings are precious gift and I am ready to go surfing.

I AM SAFE NOW

Trust, hope, believe; not always easy to do.  Suspecting betrayal comes naturally to me, despite the fact that it’s been many decades since my trust was last betrayed and even though I have had numerous experiences of loyal and respectful connection.  It’s almost as though doubt and suspicion have been imprinted on my DNA.  Learning to distinguish between healthy caution and appropriate apprehension has been a difficult task, learning to recognize trustworthy behavior and signs of a dubious nature, very hard.  When I was young I learned to paint the world with broad strokes of doubt and skepticism to prevent being taken advantage of or hurt.

Today, I am much more capable of discerning who is and isn’t trustworthy.  I can paint with finer lines now and have experienced reliable, dependable, and honest relationships.  I have discovered far more people are safe than dangerous.  I have become skillful at setting boundaries and taking care of myself.  I can relax and remind myself that I am secure now and have the power to choose who and when I will trust. 

 

THINGS CHANGE

Nothing lasts forever.  There are times when this is a comforting and welcome bit of news, especially when life is painful and hard to bear.  I can tell myself it’s only temporary, change is inevitable and soon you will feel differently than you do now.  Other times non-permanence is a sad and frustrating experience, especially when I want the situation or feeling to last longer.  It can be tempting to try to hold on until it mournfully slips from my grasp.  When I was little there was so much change all around me that I struggled to remain upright and keep my balance.  I learned to not depend on anyone because people leave.  I learned to not expect what was promised because promises were broken.  So as an adult, it can be challenging to believe in stability, constancy, and steadfast commitment.

Today, I would like to be comfortable in the ever-spinning dance of life.  Bobbing and weaving, back and forth, as life flows through this day.  Holding on and savoring the moments and experiences that I love with gratitude and appreciation and then opening my hands gracefully to allow change.  I feel the solidity of the earth beneath my feet and the core of my being strong and resilient within.  I can trust those I choose to put my faith in and know that although relationships, circumstances, and life may evolve into something different, I remain solid in my faith in myself, others, my higher power and a belief that life is continually offering opportunities to transform and grow.  I will listen to the music and dance.

 

REACHING OUT

Extending a hand to support, encourage, and express kindness is a comfortable and satisfying experience.  It feels natural and is easily accomplished.  However, reaching out a hand to be supported or comforted is a nearly impossible feat.  It feels dangerous and unwise.   An expectation emerges about being strong and doing it on my own.  It informs me that showing vulnerability should be avoided at all costs.   No one cares or is available to meet my needs and I will only end up feeling sad, lonely, and hurt.  These outdated beliefs no longer serve my purposes.  Perhaps at one time they were useful in preventing pain, but now they only foster suffering. 

Today, I will remember that it is safe to acknowledge my needs and to ask for what I want.  Usually the people I choose to ask are more than willing to assist me, however, if they aren't available, I will not give up in defeat, I can ask someone else.  I deserve to be heard and acknowledged.  It is no longer dangerous to allow myself to be comforted and consoled.  I can trust those I choose to confide in and open my heart to receive nurturance.  This is my goal for the day.

TODAY'S DOOR

I am ready for whatever this day holds.  It may hold comedy or drama, maybe even some surprises.  Right now it is full of promise like a door that is open for exploration.  I could move forward timidly and peak around the corner with caution trying to look ahead and see if danger is lurking.  I could knock and wait for an invitation to step through but I might have to wait a long time and miss the adventure that awaits me.  I could walk through boldly welcoming the experiences this day holds.  I could try to open another door that is shut, perhaps one from the past that I liked or another one that I wish would open up, however, I may end up frustrated and sad when the door remains closed and lose the opportunity of today.  I could go back to bed and ignore the door completely, just take a pass on it and feel sorry for myself or I could run through it, blindly rushing to get it over with.  There are many possibilities as I face the door of today.

I choose to step forward mindfully with gratitude for whatever I encounter.  I will savor the connections, accept the challenges, learn the lessons, feel the feelings, think the thoughts, and open my heart to the 116,460 seconds of this day.  They will not come again and I don’t want to squander this opportunity, whatever it may hold.

 

DISTRACTIONS

Distractions pull me away from being in the moment and thriving.  I can become distracted by trying to fix other’s problems rather than allowing them to take responsibility for their own journey and being supportive and trusting.  I get unfocused and overwhelmed by dwelling on what’s wrong in the world rather than what’s right.  I become preoccupied and obsessive about details and sometimes fail to see the forest for the trees.  I am sidetracked by the continual pull of TV, shopping, addiction, internet surfing, and a multitude of other activities that can waste my energy and time.  I am attracted to the easy and fast appeal of eating junk food and skipping exercise rather than engaging in healthier behavior.  No wonder I feel anxious, confused, and discouraged.

Today, I choose to consciously engage in this day.  I will take time to appreciate the people I encounter and savor the moments I experience by breathing mindfully and cultivating awareness.  When I begin to over or under focus I will gently call myself back to now and re-focus my attention. 

 

PURPOSE AND MEANING

Can I envision a future of fulfillment, purpose, and meaning? Some days yes and some days no. During moments of disappointment, fear, envy or discouragement I become lost in a valley of fog and lose my way. Other times, the frantic rushing of busyness creates an internal vortex of activity that spins me all over the place and leaves me wiped out and exhausted. Then, I wonder have I accomplished anything and is it what I really intend or want to be doing?  Purpose and meaning seem to get lost in the shuffle.

Today I will listen deeply. I will listen to my imagination that dreams and visualizes possibilities. I will pay attention to my mind that weighs risks, pitfalls, and opportunities. I will hear the whisper of my heart that expresses my feelings and reveals my passions.  I will recognize the calling of my spirit that connects me to others, as well as, a power and purpose greater than anything I could ever imagine or envision. 

BEGINNING AGAIN

Beginning again; it is such a gift to have the chance to begin again.  It can be easy to think I’m at the end of the road and there is no hope for change.  Celebrating a new year reminds me there is still opportunity for growth and possibility.  I can choose to redefine my direction, set new goals, and open the door to a different route of promise.  I am not imprisoned or stuck, even if I face consequences of poor choices from the past.  I still have the prospect of potential shift in perspective and I can modify my course if I decide I want to make a difference in my life.

Today, I face this day with strong resolve to foster compassion, creativity, health, resilience, and optimism.  I give myself permission to dream and envision abundance, peace, and joy.