LETTING GO OF 'WHAT IF...'

Fear of ‘what if’s’ can be stifling at times.  Double guessing my choices, overthinking things until spontaneity is virtually impossible, driving myself crazy with worry and doubt.  In the past, having mental hyper-vigilance prevented harm and served me.  However, for many years now I have no longer needed to be quite so careful.  I have choice about who I invite into my social atom and freedom to determine how close or far away I want them to be from me.  I have skills and abilities to nurture and care for myself that I didn’t possess when I was younger.  I can speak up and communicate my truth assertively and set boundaries when necessary.  When things don’t go the way I want them to go, I may be disappointed, hurt or frustrated but I know it is only temporary and new doors and opportunities will appear.    

Today I release my apprehensions and worries remembering that I am safe now and can relax.  When I catch myself saying ‘what if’ I will whisper words of reassurance and encouragement.  I can trust my intuition, breathe and let go. One day at a time!

WHAT DO I NEED?

If I follow the trail of cookie crumbs that my feelings lead me on, I will eventually come to the home of my needs.  It has been useful to know that my feelings can point me in the direction of knowing what I need.  Growing up I learned to be continually aware of what those around me needed and there was an expectation that I meet others’ needs to maintain peace and avoid pain.  As an adult, my own needs were buried deeply beneath doing for others and attending to their needs, all the while feeling more and more depressed, anxious, and unhappy.  When asked by someone “What do you need?” I found myself perplexed and confused realizing I had no idea.  It was then I learned how to follow the feeling to find the need.

Today, I will ask myself “What do I need?” and allow my feelings to inform me about my needs.  Once the need is acknowledged, I will choose to examine the best path for meeting it.  I will communicate my needs to be respected, understood, loved and valued, treated fairly, and whatever else might arise.  I will make sure I attend to my needs for food, rest, play, and safety. 

Hmmm… What do you need?

FORGIVENESS

Holding on to resentment and bitterness always ends up backfiring on me.  I may think I’m hurting you with my animosity, but in reality I’m the one that suffers.  My heart becomes hardened and it’s difficult for me to receive or trust the love of others. My resentment breeds contempt and leads to suspicion of others’ motives, loneliness, sadness, cynicism, and I find myself imprisoned in a self-imposed cell of angry victimhood.  I have already lived too many days like this and I know it isn’t worth the cost.

I will let you know that you have wounded me and communicate my hurt.  Regardless of your response, whether you apologize or not, I will let it go.   I may not forget the harm that has been done, but I will no longer hold on to resentment.  I release the festering infection of bitterness to my higher power, bandage my wounds and allow myself to heal.  Forgiveness is a choice and takes strength of character.  I choose to forgive you for your failures and more importantly I choose to forgive myself for allowing you to hurt me.  I will learn from this experience what can be learned and move on to grow and open my heart to life and love.

 

HERE'S WHERE I STAND

Like a tree firmly rooted in the ground I want to stand in my power today.  It is easy to give in to the negativity I encounter every day.  Voices within tell me I’m not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, important enough and I continue to wonder where along the journey did I begin to believe these messages.  I know that I wasn’t born believing I didn’t have a right to be me.  Somewhere those around me taught me to disown myself and to try to be someone I’m not.  I was taught to please others no matter the cost to myself.  I was taught not to have needs and to disregard my own feelings.  I learned to measure my worth and value by others’ standards rather than my own. 

Today, I will remind myself that I have a right to be me and who I am is good enough.  I will feel my feet firmly placed on the earth and acknowledge the power within me.  I have the right to say yes or no and to make up my own mind about the direction I choose to go.  I can replace old, distorted voices with new affirmations about my worth and value.  I can allow others to be who they are without needing to control or change them and give myself the same permission to just be.  I am enough.

 

PASSING ON THE LIGHT

It’s such a delight to be surprised by another’s generosity and kind-heartedness, the return of a lost item that hadn’t even shown up as missing yet.  On the days when loneliness, fear, and discouragement surround me, I want to remember this time of thoughtfulness and good will.  Not everyone is a ‘Scrooge’ or out to get me.  Yes, there have been many unpleasant, hurtful incidents in my life; however, there have also been many moments of compassion and care. 

Today will hold difficulty and joy, boring routine and delightful novelty, pain and pleasure; I choose to embrace this new 24 hours with an openness of heart that sees the promise it holds for connection, growth, and joy.  I will look for opportunities to pass on the graciousness that has been shared with me and be a channel of kindness for someone who is needing to know that there is abundance available in this day.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."WhatWhaI wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good

SURRENDERING TO LIFE

Opening the mind and heart to surprise is not a practice that comes naturally to me.  I like routine and knowing what is coming next.  I have had many unwelcome shocks and bombshells exploded in my past and I prefer the world unfolding in the ways I expect it to unfold.  Taking chances and gambling with possibilities?  Not likely.  Unfortunately, this type of controlled existence comes at a very high price, wiping out amazement, wonder, delight, astonishment, spontaneity, as well as, blocking connection with others.  It’s impossible to control others’ responses and behaviors or predict outcomes that are shared, so staying safe often stunts relationships.

Today, I am grounded and centered and can handle whatever might come my way.  I no longer need to hold on so tightly to life.  I choose to release myself from the prison of predictability and the habits of the past.  I want to be free to experience the surprises this day holds.  Each breath I take carries possibility and promise, every step I take offers opportunity for creativity and spontaneity.  I await the adventure of living this day surrendering the need to box it in.

 

OPENING MY HEART

Opening my heart and allowing you to see me without the need to defend my vulnerability, without the smoke and mirrors to distract you or make myself more or less than I am, without fear of stepping on hidden landmines that will rip away the fragile connection we have; how do I have the courage to do this?  Certainly it takes radical self-acceptance to stand my ground and believe I am worth knowing.  It takes trust to believe that you won’t jump ship and run the other way.  It takes compassion to recognize you are having the same struggle as me.  Today I want to take new risks, reassure myself that I am safe, and cultivate an open heart.

A DAY FOR GIVING THANKS

A day for giving thanks, I wake today with gratitude in my heart for the many blessings of this past year.  Some of them didn’t feel like blessings at the time but with patience and hopefulness they eventually showed themselves to be of value to my journey.  Some of them seemed like huge blessings at the time and ended up not being as necessary as I had expected them to be.  Perhaps I am learning to be more receptive to the things I judge as curses.  With time, fortitude, tolerance, and an open mind usually these curses end up being defining moments that bless my life.

Today, I celebrate with gratitude the precious moments of this past year and the people who have companioned me through it all.  I will trust that those moments that don’t appear to be so precious right now will be transformed through the alchemy of time, forgiveness, and growing.

 

FACING TEMPTATION

During this season of buying and spending, it is important to distinguish between a want and a need.  If I’m honest there are many things I want, and actually only a few that I truly need.  Solidarity means I stand with you.  It’s very comfortable for me to stand with the ‘haves’ but really challenging to align myself with the ‘have nots’.  There are so many tempting offers this time of year: Black Friday sales, Christmas specials, TVs, computers, clothes, food items, etc.  It’s difficult to acknowledge my grasping, selfish nature and even harder to not guilt myself into deprivation. 

Today I choose to seek out a balance between materialistic greed and self-imposed starvation.  I recognize that there will always be extremes of wealth and poverty in the world.  I want to be a prudent and compassionate manager of my limited financial resources.  I choose to cultivate a generous and kind heart that shares what I possess wisely.  I will take responsible action and rather than carelessly spending, I want to practice mindful gifting in this holiday season.

WHERE IS THE PEACE?

This speaks my heart today.  It is a Taoist prayer I was given.

"If there is to be peace in the world, There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations, There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities, There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors, There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home, There must be peace in the heart."

I may not be able to make peace in Israel/Gaza/Afghanistan. 
I may not be able to make peace amid the diversity of opinions in this country. 
I may not be able to make peace in my city or neighborhood, that is full of haves and have nots. 
I may not even be able to make peace in my home. 
However, I choose to make peace within my heart today; to be content with what I have and who I am, to speak words of comfort and forgiveness within myself, to connect with my higher power and rest in the peace I find there. 
Then, I choose to bring that inner peace to those I encounter this day.

EMBRACING THE DAY

It takes trust to just BE, without excuses, without figuring everything out, without control of outcomes.  To trust that BEING is enough in this moment that it is adequate.  With an open-hearted ‘I am’ I embrace this day and all that it holds with acceptance, hope and compassion.

GRATITUDE FOR FRIENDS

The moments that seem to matter the most and bring the most joy are those filled with friendship and connection.  The relationships I have invited and fostered in my life have been numerous and assorted.  Some weren’t always healthy, they were stifling or disrespectful and I’ve had to cut them loose in order to grow and change.  Some relationships have ended before I was ready for them to end.  Some of them have persevered and continued despite the odds, we have hung in there with each other through thick and thin.  Some have weathered the storms and some are brand new, just beginning.  Some I can’t imagine my life without, they are as close as the air I breathe and others are distant but wonderful when they are near.  Some focus on certain tasks and responsibilities and others transcend doing and are just about being together.

I am very thankful for the gift of friendship, whether they have worked or not.  They have taught me so many lessons, sometimes painful and difficult, but often joy-filled.  I have learned who I am and who I’m not.  I have learned how to speak up while awkwardly practicing on my friends.  I have learned to listen without an agenda and hear the message beyond the words.  I have learned to give and receive forgiveness and compassion.  I have learned to say goodby and grieve loss.  I have learned to play and trust, letting go of my rigidity and fear.  I feel very fortunate for the many gifts and blessings my friends have provided.  I am grateful.

PRACTICING GRATITUDE

What a paradigm shift!  To move from a focus of what I don’t have to gratitude for what I do have.  It means the difference between frustration, depression and discouragement to happiness, serenity, and delight.  It requires that I center my awareness on what’s right in my life rather than what’s wrong.  Why is it so much easier to dwell on the negative than the positive?

Today I intend to remain conscious of the many small moments of grace I experience:  a smile from a friend, an opened door, the ability to breathe or move, food that sustains me, a safe place to live, freedom to believe how I choose to believe, and...  If I set my mind to it I know the list will be quite long.  I can choose this practice of gratitude if I want to and so I will.

GRATITUDE FOR MY LIFE

Comparisons to what others can do and what others have rarely, if ever, lead to happiness and serenity.  They tend to breed discontent, envy, and greed, as well as, reinforcing beliefs that tell me I’m not good enough.  When I am focused outwardly on others, I often fail to recognize the wonders that exist within me and the many gifts I possess.  I have difficulty acknowledging the blessings I’ve received and the love that surrounds me.

Today, I choose to take inventory of how fortunate I am.  I will open the treasure chests in my life to find they are filled with friendships and relationships that enrich my life.  I offer thanks for the support, encouragement and love I receive.  I will locate the vaults within my soul that hold my strength, hope, and very essence and be filled with gratitude for what I find there.  As I move into this day, I will take time to recognize with appreciation the many gifts it holds and release my desire to think others are luckier or better off than I am.  My happiness flows when I recognize how much I do have.

 

EVERYDAY GRATEFULNESS

It’s the time of year to focus on gratitude.  It usually doesn’t occur to me to be grateful for the mundane, routine events of a day.  When I am ill, injured or have other interferences to my routine, only then do I usually miss the ordinary, humdrum day.  Then, I miss the ordinariness of taking a shower, fixing a meal, cleaning house, driving to work, doing paperwork… 

Today, my intention is to have a grateful heart for the simple everyday activities I take for granted.  I will acknowledge with appreciation the people who show up for me day in and day out.  I will recognize with awe the abundant gift that 'just another regular day' really is and remember the many people who would love to have this gift.  I want to remain aware of the extraordinary-ness of simple daily routine.  I give thanks for this day that holds out promise and possibility.

 

 

ONE STEP AT A TIME

When time is short and there is so much to be done, I will take a breath, center myself, and attend to what faces me now.  Moving gracefully from one thing to the next, I will accomplish what I can accomplish in these 24 hours.  I will let go of regrets or anxiety about what I have left undone, it will return tomorrow if it needs resolution and I will deal with it then.  One day at a time.  One step at a time.  One breath at a time is my mantra today.

BELIEVING I AM LOVEABLE

A thought-provoking line from the movie “Perks of Being a Wallflower”:  We invite the love in we think we deserve.  As I acknowledge the people in my life who love me, I realize it is true.  I often only allow myself to be loved and accepted as much as I think I deserve.  When the line of what I think I deserve is crossed, I push them away or find reasons to doubt their love is real.  My own beliefs about my worth and value prevent me from accepting the love that is available.  No wonder I feel lonely and empty at times. 

In addition, I realize I have allowed myself to be deceived about what love is.  I have, at times, kept people in my life who haven’t been good for me.  I have allowed them to hurt, betray, disrespect, and step over my boundaries in the ‘name of love’ thinking if I let their ‘love’ go I’d never find it again.  This has led only to frustration, resentment, depression, and reinforcement of the belief that I’m not loveable. 

Today, I choose to continue working on transforming these beliefs.  I will affirm belief in my own worth and value and have gratitude for those in my life who accept and love me just the way I am.  I will no longer tolerate disrespectful, hurtful behavior as loving.  Rather I will open my heart to the love that is available around me.  I will have expectant hope and trust in abundance knowing that love will show up as I nurture and believe in myself.

SPEAKING UP

How often do I swallow what I’d really like to say?  This does not serve the purpose of building intimacy or trust in my relationships and rather creates distance, isolation and loneliness.  Perhaps there was a time in my life when speaking my truth would have been dangerous; however, that time is now over.  The remnants of fear from past echoes of hurt only continue to enslave me if I fail to recognize that was then and this is now. 

I am no longer an oppressed victim.  I am safe enough to express my thoughts, feelings, and needs.  I can choose to invite respectful and caring people into my life and distance myself from those who aren’t open to hearing and accepting me.  If another person doesn’t like what I have to say, I don’t have to negate my own truth.  I now know it is probably more about them than it is about me and it isn’t my job to manage another’s thoughts or feelings.  I have a right to speak up and communicate my truth.  Today, I will remain connected to my own integrity, acknowledge what matters to me, and be honest when I have something to say.

SELF ACCEPTANCE

Meeting my own expectations of myself can be a demanding task.  My internal critic wreaks havoc within by vigilantly watching for those moments of vulnerability or imperfection that can be held up as proof of failure.  This endless faultfinding creates discouragement, depression, and dissatisfaction, leading to a spiral of self-hatred and shame.  I am aware that when this part of me is unmasked, I simply find a scared little child who is desperate to avoid hurt, rejection, and suffering  while using this ancient defense system in an effort to provide safety and security.  Despite projecting power and control, in reality I find a frightened and quivering child. 

When I hear the voice of criticism and judgment within today, I will remember this child.  I will comfort myself with words of acknowledgement and reassurance rather than put downs and negativity.  I will remind myself that I am allowed to make mistakes; they help me to grow and learn.  I will embrace myself with self-forgiveness and compassion.  I will remain centered standing firmly on the ground of self-acceptance with an open heart.

 

CELEBRATING FRIENDS

Today I celebrate the comfort and joy of being with friends and sharing the moments of happiness and sadness that we have together.  It is such a relief to be reminded that I am not alone and that I can relax and let myself receive.  I don’t have to work so hard to protect my heart from betrayal and hurt.  I know that I will be accepted and loved even though I have imperfections, limitations, and needs.  I can extend compassion and open arms to them without fearing rejection, misunderstanding or boundary invasion.   What a gift. 

I will offer the gentleness, understanding, and support that I have to offer and allow myself to be embraced in loving kindness.    

UNEXPECTED EVENTS

Life is full of surprises.  Some of them are wonderful and some not so much.  When unexpected, unwelcome events occur or people don’t respond the way I expect; it is disappointing, disheartening, and very frustrating.  It can be challenging to communicate assertively and difficult to remain openhearted when you want to strike back, run away or throw the towel in. 

Today, I will remain grounded and centered no matter what I encounter.  I will trust that I have the resources I need to face this day.  Should unwanted events happen, I will remind myself that I am not alone and can ask for help and comfort from those I trust.  I will express my feelings and thoughts honestly.  I will set boundaries to protect myself if they are needed.  Although I may feel like a victim, I am capable of taking the action I need to take.  I will remind myself that the most painful and frustrating moments in my life usually have resulted in the greatest growth and change when I have remained receptive to being me.  Today I choose to be me.  

 

CHANGING

I wish change were easier.  Looking at nature around me I see change all over the place.  Leaves are falling off trees, caterpillars are transforming in cocoons, plants look like they are dying as they wait for next Spring to bloom again.  Change requires letting go and surrendering 'what is' for the hope of what will be.  It’s so hard to let go of beliefs about myself and the world that used to work but are beginning to show evidence of not working any longer.  Beliefs like:  “I must be perfect to be loved.”  “I have to please others and make them happy even if it’s not good for me.”  “Life should be fair.”  It’s so hard to let go of wanting to be right and have control of outcomes.  It requires a great deal of trust and hope to transform and grow.

Today I am going to admire the leaves as they release their grip on the limb they cling to and gracefully fall to the ground.  I’m going to admire the tree that surrenders them trusting that new life will return.  As I face the people around me who don’t want me to set boundaries or say no, as I struggle with my own vulnerability and admit my need for others, as I let go of needing to have things my way; I will breathe, envision the strength of a tree firmly rooted to the ground, open my heart and surrender to change.

 

SAYING GOODBYE

Saying goodbye is hard work.  Sometimes people leave before we are ready to let them go.  Unexpected death or illness occurs, divorce happens, friends move, jobs end, we grow apart, so many disruptions prevent healthy endings. I tell myself tomorrow I will let others know how much I appreciate their presence in my life; tomorrow I will take the time to say I love you.  I postpone until it’s too late and feel regret and sadness at having unfinished closings.  Other times I allow my anger, hurt, close-mindedness and resentment build walls of separation which prevent me from finding reconciliation, forgiveness and peace.  I may feel justified maintaining interpersonal war but ultimately I only hurt myself by holding on to grudges and I wind up with additional incomplete endings. 

I know that the unfinished goodbyes in my life prevent me from being open to new beginnings.  I choose to find ways to let go of those experiences and people I hold on to that I need to surrender.  I will open my heart to grieve my losses, forgive the damages done, and acknowledge with gratitude the love received.  I will not forget fond memories and moments of joy but rather treasure them in my heart.  I want to be available and accessible for new relationships and experiences unfolding before me here and now.  So, I choose to work at saying healthy goodbyes today.

 

 

SELF-CARE

It can be tempting to forget about self-care.  So many worthy causes clamor for my attention, demanding that I drop my plans for good nutrition, exercise, meditation, setting boundaries.  Whispered words echo in my mind about my selfishness, laziness, ineptitude, and narcissism overwhelming my good intentions and then ‘the best laid plans’ are put aside.  Next, the shaming voice of condemnation accuses me of incomplete promises and once again I am overwhelmed by guilt and discouragement.  I am tired of this wasted energy and inaction.

Today, I choose to turn the volume up on the healthy voices within me reminding me to take my time, breathe, mindfully attend to my needs, and treat myself with compassion.  I will slow down and look for balance between self-care and other-care.  I will remember that I invite others to treat me the way I treat myself.  I deserve to be treated just as well as I would treat others.  Today I will nurture and care for myself with loving kindness.

 

SAYING YES TO ME

It is so very easy to find myself in the rescuer role.  Someone makes a request and before I know it I say okay, rather than setting a boundary.  I’m asked to go along with something I don’t want to do and rather than standing my ground, I say yes to avoid conflict.  Unfortunately, the conflict still exists it’s just inside me now as I wrestle with resentment and bitterness and grow angry at myself for backing down.  I start to feel sorry for myself and try to justify my action by saying ‘Well, I didn’t really have a choice.’   I forget that I gave away my power and choice.

Today I want to remain centered in my truth and strong in my commitment to set healthy emotional boundaries.  I will say no, even if it creates struggle.  I will remind myself that I am not responsible for making those around me happy. I will express my feelings, thoughts and needs assertively and allow others to deal with their own disappointment and frustration.  I have a right to take care of myself even if it inconveniences or displeases someone else.  I will remain conscious of the choices I make today and say yes to me.

COURAGE

Where is my courage?  It seems to have dissolved into nothingness.  I know that I have possessed it in the past.  I have shown bravery in the face of defeat and not given up.  I have let go of security and safety to change and take risks.  I have dared to believe in myself and others despite disappointments and betrayals.   I have moved forward when my heart was devastated and my thoughts have said to ‘quit’.  I have persevered trusting in the new beginning and imagining more than a dead end.

I will acknowledge the guts it has taken to get this far.  Once again, I let go of the fears that try to hold me down and the expectations that hold me back.  I move forward wrapped in my own arms of compassion and strength and comforted by others’ support and encouragement.  Rather than shrink away from this day, I choose to expand and embrace it. 

BREATHE

I breathe today, another opportunity to live, laugh and grow.  I breathe out yesterday, the past, remembered sorrows and joys.  Inhaling possibility and newness, exhaling old ideas and lost chances; I open myself to what this day holds.   Grounded in stillness breathing in this moment, aware of my connection with all that is, has been and will be; I intend to remain present and centered in now.  As the energy of this day pulses around me I invite it into my heart.  I envision compassion, peace, prosperity and health stepping into the moments that surround me one breath at a time.

 

LET GO OR HOLD ON?

There is a time to hang on and a time to let go.  It is can be confusing to distinguish between when I need to persevere versus surrender and release.  Is my white-knuckled grip due to my many fears of failing, giving up, losing control, letting others down, being seen as a loser, or not being sure what waits beyond?  Am I being driven by the old messages reminding me that I must try harder, not show weakness, be perfect, please others, and hurry up?  Am I fooling myself when I say I am diligent, devoted, determined, and filled with purposeful resolve?  So many questions to be asked. 

Today, I choose to center myself with an open mind, open heart, and open hands.  I will have a willingness to let go of my agenda if needed.  I will listen within to clarify my motivations and intentions.  I will follow my heart and trust that doors will appear as I move forward.  I will knock on these doors and look for the ones that are open rather than trying to break down the locked ones.  I can let go, relax and trust myself and the universe.