It can be a complex puzzle, at times, to know who I am. My inner self talk can become critical and
demeaning when I struggle with the shame of not being who I want to be. How did I come to define myself by such
narrow expectations and limited vision? When
I was little, my caregivers projected their views of my worth and value through
their words and actions. Sometimes, I
was accurately seen by them and other times their own poor self-images
prevented them from really seeing me. I
became an extension of them. I began to
define myself through the reflection I saw in their eyes and unconsciously a
distorted, broken fun-house mirror began to take shape within me.
Now, I struggle with cleaning up this internal
mirror. Is the reflection I see in the
mirror someone others have defined me to be or is it truly who I
am? When my friends tell me positive
qualities about myself do I fail to take them in or do I tell myself they don’t
really know me because if they did they surely wouldn't love me. Perhaps I need to consider the
influence of this biased mirror that distorts my image.
Today, I choose to wipe this mirror clean with forgiveness,
compassion, acceptance, and the truth of those who know and see me accurately. When I look in their eyes I prefer believing
what is seen in me and will open my heart to receive the love that is being
offered rather than thinking I have to earn or deserve it. I will continue to polish my inner mirror
until it reflects a true and accurate reflection of my enough-ness.
