The Rhythm of Life

I find it reassuring to recognize that each one of us in on a unique journey as we move through this life.  Over and over, I observe myself and others “fall from innocence” as growth, change or a new response to life becomes necessary.   At times, it’s an unwanted experience that provokes me to reluctantly move from the safety of where I am, such as: a death, divorce, illness, financial stressor, geographical move or being fired.  Other times, it’s a gradual awareness of the need for a change of attitude or different behavior, letting go of what no longer works.  Sometimes it’s the inevitable pull of life moving forward as I begin a new stage of life, like: starting college, getting married, becoming a parent, having an empty nest, moving into retirement.    Just as the planet is always turning in perpetual motion, so also does the life around and within me.  The more I cling to ‘what was’ and try to fool myself into believing things or people will last forever providing the security I want, the harder the struggle seems to be. When I remain detached and tell myself I won't connect so I don't have to feel the pain of letting go, loneliness and depression haunt me. 

Today, I choose to remember that I am invited to dance to the rhythm that beats out its song inside and outside of me.  I will embrace these moments and savor them.  I can trust the movement and tempo of today and allow myself to unfold into the mystery of now.

Trading in Expectations

Things don’t always go the way I intend or expect them to go.  What really seems to matter the most is how I manage my disappointment and frustration.  I can pout, sulk, and have a temper tantrum telling myself it’s a horrible shame that it isn't what I expected it to be.  I can deny the facts and pretend until reality finally forces me to accept it the way it is.  I can try to manipulate and control the outcome, clinging to a belief that I know what is best.  Or I can acknowledge my feelings and remember that sometimes I get things the way I want them and sometimes I don’t.  Often, I have to admit things don’t go the way I expect, they actually go better than planned.

Today, I intend to recognize my over-attachment to outcomes and gently release my need to control or impress others.  I know that ultimately things work out for my own and other’s best interests.  I will remind myself that everything has a purpose even if I don't see it yet.

Finishing What I Start

How often do I say I will do something and never get back to it?  My energy shifts and suddenly I’m running down a different road with a long trail of unfinished projects and plans carelessly discarded behind me.  What prevents me from completing what I set out to do?  Sometimes, I become afraid due to anticipated failure or rejection.  Other times I have unrealistic expectations and become exhausted by too many commitments.  I give in when things get too hard or I encounter too many obstacles.  I allow others’ plans to become more important than my own and forget to set boundaries.  Will I end up at the end of my life regretful of all the risks I never took and things I never finished?  I hope not. 

I can only make one choice at a time and take one step at a time.  Today, I choose to evaluate where my energy will be best spent.  I will carefully examine my intention when I decided what to lay aside and what to pursue.  I will recognize when fear, laziness, or mindless activity prevent me from following through on what I believe in and value.  I am determined to persevere and complete what I start.

Polishing My Inner Mirror

It can be a complex puzzle, at times, to know who I am.  My inner self talk can become critical and demeaning when I struggle with the shame of not being who I want to be.  How did I come to define myself by such narrow expectations and limited vision?  When I was little, my caregivers projected their views of my worth and value through their words and actions.  Sometimes, I was accurately seen by them and other times their own poor self-images prevented them from really seeing me.  I became an extension of them.  I began to define myself through the reflection I saw in their eyes and unconsciously a distorted, broken fun-house mirror began to take shape within me.

Now, I struggle with cleaning up this internal mirror.  Is the reflection I see in the mirror someone others have defined me to be or is it truly who I am?  When my friends tell me positive qualities about myself do I fail to take them in or do I tell myself they don’t really know me because if they did they surely wouldn't love me.  Perhaps I need to consider the influence of this biased mirror that distorts my image. 

Today, I choose to wipe this mirror clean with forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, and the truth of those who know and see me accurately.  When I look in their eyes I prefer believing what is seen in me and will open my heart to receive the love that is being offered rather than thinking I have to earn or deserve it.  I will continue to polish my inner mirror until it reflects a true and accurate reflection of my enough-ness.

Sacred Moments

The life I have in this next 24 hours is sacred.  When I view my time and presence as sacred, I re-evaluate how I am using it.  Am I distracted by time wasters, such as watching TV, reading tabloids, or playing video games?  Am I trying to do so many things at once I rush around mindlessly going through the motions of living?  Am I so over-focused on a goal that I can’t see you?  Am I drowning in fear, anger, resentment, jealousy, sadness, or hurt and unable to appreciate the moments of invitation to forgiveness, connection and healing that exist? 

I choose to be mindful in the choices I make of how to invest my time this day and to recognize that your time is also sacred.  I experience gratitude and appreciation when I recognize the precious time you choose to share with me.  I greet this day, this time, and you with awe and honor. 

Being in the Flow

Holding on and letting go, holding on and letting go; this is the rhythm of my day.  My breath goes in and often I notice I hold on to it until I can no longer wait before releasing a large exhale that makes room for a new breath.  This is so parallel to my process throughout the day.  Events, interactions, circumstances, experiences happen and I tend to have difficultly letting them go to make room for what’s next.  I wrestle with 'what ifs' or 'if onlys'.  I  allow my feelings to go unexpressed and unheard and discount myself and others.  Then, I become overwhelmed, confused, and stressed out until finally setting myself free again when the pressure becomes to great.

Today, I choose to be more mindful of staying in the flow of the moment.  I will follow my breath and experience the gentle movement of the tides of this day.  Rather than trying to control how the day emerges or creating dams to block the current, I will simply float where the flow takes me.  I will feel the emotions and recognize the needs I and others have without judgment or shaming.  I will express my truth and listen with an open heart as I ride the waves of this day.  I can trust I will  end up where I’m supposed to be at the end of the day. I simply immerse myself in the flow.  

Connection

The time and space of today issues an invitation to me: “Will you take a risk to be seen and known today?”   “Will you open your heart to know and see others?”  

I can choose to play it safe while I rush mindlessly from one moment to the next taking care of business and blindly passing by opportunities to connect.  I can hide quietly on the sidelines while I admiringly watch others dance through the day, stepping on each other’s toes and inviting relationship with one another.  I can bury my head in the sand and allow time to pass me by while I resignedly believe I am a victim of others lack of compassion and inability to reach out.  I can march forward pushing others out of the way while I ruthlessly conquer the obstacles I encounter.  Each of these routes ends in regret, loneliness, and pain.  Nowhere near the destination I have desired to reach. 

I courageously choose to say yes.  I will allow myself to be known while I stand firmly rooted in the adequacy of enough-ness.  I will open my heart to have curiosity about you, while I take time to carefully listen and respect your truth. I trust the creativity and spontaneity that flows between us and believe that together we can co-create a rich rapport and enjoyable connection.  Only this makes the journey truly satisfying.

Opening My Heart To Receive

I choose to open my heart to the love that is available in the moments of this day.  Unfortunately, I too often find myself putting up barriers and protection even though you've given me no reason to distrust or need to defend.  I will minimize and say ‘I don’t care that much’ or make excuses while I run away and avoid the connection you offer.  I find myself saying ‘be careful, be careful’ and holding back when I want to let go.   I spend way too much time examining your motivations and intentions, suspiciously looking for signs of rejection, betrayal, deception, or possible fault. 

It’s amazing that despite my doubt you continue to reach out and call to me.  Today, I intend to consciously dismantle the walls of old hurt, bitterness, and fear.  I am safe and can recognize when boundaries are needed or not required.  I choose to welcome the relationships that flow into and out of this day.  I deserve to be loved and will mindfully allow my heart to be touched by your connection, friendship, and caring.  I can receive what you offer to me without needing to immediately pay it back.  I am grateful for the gifts of warmth and kindness this day holds.

Recycling of Life

Today the path I am on is foggy and it’s hard to see where I’m going or whether there is a purpose to this twisted journey.   It can be so easy to become discouraged and tempting to turn back.  However, I want to remember the many times in the past I have experienced similar days and with time, trust, forgiveness and patience I found myself exactly where I needed to be.    

In so many ways life is the great 'recycler'.  Nothing has been wasted.  Situations I think are useless and need to be thrown out, end up serving important purposes for me.  Often I want to hurry up and forget people who have hurt or let me down, but upon reflection I realize they are the ones that have taught me the greatest lessons about loving.  The moments I have felt disappointed and believed myself a big failure, later on I find have offered the opportunity I needed to discover who I really am.  Time and experience seem to transform what I think of as the waste of my life into the precious stuff of me.  So, today as I sit on the compost pile thinking I’m a mess, who knows the magic that’s emerging.

Mindful Expression

I intend to take the time to communicate what “I” experience, notice, hear, see, observe or perceive rather than impulsively telling you what ‘you’ do, say or intend.  In the beginning this didn't seem like a very important distinction in conveying my truth, but I have learned over and over that in fact it is the difference between owning my own reality and judgmentally defining yours.  When I take the time to acknowledge and recognize how I express what I want you to know about me, it usually ends up I am more accurately heard and understood. 

So even though changing this communication habit may feel awkward and difficult now I believe it is worth my effort and will become easier with practice.  I want to connect and join with you today and I will do this by being mindful about my words and actions.     

Stepping Out

Today I choose to take the risk of stepping just a little outside my comfort zone.  It is important to stay safe, however, I can sometimes over compensate in protecting myself and others.  I forget that I am no longer living in a neighborhood of danger, as I often was as a child.  Now, I have a choice about who I trust and befriend.  I have also developed useful coping strategies I didn't have when I was younger.  I choose to lower the wall of defense and allow deeper connection with those I have come to trust.  I will crack open the door to new connection, knowing I am capable of setting boundaries and safeguarding myself when required.  

It is time to let go and free myself from self-imposed limits that are no longer necessary.  I can care and be cared for, this is my legacy.

Mindful Intention

Some days seem to begin with a ‘bang’, jumping into the midst of activity and busyness.  Other days begin more gently with a slower warm up and smooth rhythm.  Then there are the times the day starts with unexpected demands and shocking announcements, as well as, the times when getting started is difficult and like slogging through peanut butter.  Although I can’t always control the beginning of my day, I can choose to center myself and be mindful of my intention to remain grounded in my integrity and compassion.  

Let this day unfold with whatever it may hold.  I rest in the conviction that it is a gift I have been given.  I have the strength to embrace with acceptance what comes, the courage to create change if necessary and the wisdom to surrender the rest.  

No More

I will not be defined by my past any longer.  I have lived long enough as a victim of a victim of a victim.  My parents’ behaviors, unfortunate circumstances, and hurtful experiences have shaped my sense of self and well-being. It’s time to let go of the distortions I learned that create shame and disconnection. 

I choose today to declare independence from self-sabotaging thinking and ineffective responses.   I will affirm my worth and value frequently throughout this day while applauding the risks I choose to take when I trust and reach out to others.

Serenity Prayer

I seek the courage today to remain present and centered. 

I will breathe in deeply and focus on what I am able to change in this moment.  Perhaps it will be my own mind, my attitude, my thinking, my behavior.  It takes great strength to admit my vulnerability and recognize the need for a shift.

I will breathe out deeply and focus on what I am powerless to alter.  No matter how hard I try I cannot change you.  It’s impossible to control someone else’s happiness.  The responsibility for that belongs to you. I have wasted enough energy on this unreachable dream.   It’s also impossible to achieve perfection.  I am a limited human being and release my need to continue to strive for this unattainable goal.  It’s impossible to prevent change.  So I will pray for the flexibility to adapt and accept inevitable changes. No one can stop the world from turning.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”  What a rich and meaningful prayer!

Reality Check Time

It’s time for a reality check… Mindless activity pushes me to run, speed, and race through my day.  Little do I notice details or savor moments, as I blindly push myself forward.  I become so focused on reaching goals or accomplishing projects that I miss out on connection and taking time to acknowledge myself or others. 

Today, I choose to slow down and focus on moderation and balance.  I will take my time and enjoy being in this day.  I will recognize who I am with, breathe, and appreciate the opportunities I have been given in the moment.  I will continue to move forward towards my goals, however, I will also treasure the journey along the way.  

Breathing

Pause, breathe, and be mindful of being alive in this moment.  Presence begins in my own body; noticing the rhythm of my breath flowing in and out, scanning the tightness of muscles and relaxing, observing the chatter of my thoughts and gently refocusing my attention, opening my heart to the beginning of this day.   

As I am rooted in the ground of my own being, I offer mindful presence to those who flow in and out of this day’s encounters. 

  

Facing Adventure

I release the ghosts from the past that echo in my mind today with judging “you should haves” and wishful “if onlys.”  Nothing can be gained by holding on to resentment, blame or self-pity.  It is what it is.  The experiences of my past have served the purpose of teaching me how to make more informed, different choices today.  I am no longer the same person I was then.  I can let it go and live this present moment.

I surrender the threatening images of future harm that flood my brain with ‘what ifs’ and paralyze me with anxiety.  I have the grace and strength to face today, it’s impossible to imagine or even know the resources, creativity and possibility I will possess tomorrow.  Perhaps it will be dependent on what I learn from this day.  If I continue to focus on the future, I will miss the opportunity to grow stronger today.  I am safe enough for now.  I can let go and be here and now.

I place the ceaseless busyness of agendas and expectations aside for now.  I could allow myself to swirl around in the distraction of meaningless activity and mindless action.  However, I choose to find the still, quiet space of this moment and breathe into it.  Grounded and centered I stand with courage, authenticity and purpose.  What an adventure it is to be alive and present today.

What Do I Lose When I Rescue?

When I give help, offer advice, and overdo for others without stopping to consider whether my assistance is needed or wanted, I may be engaging in rescuing behavior.  When I feel a need to be useful so that I’ll be accepted, loved and given approval, it’s probably coming from a place of rescuer.  When I allow another person to take advantage of me, struggle with saying no, or keep my thoughts and feelings to myself in order to not rock the boat and maintain peace, I’m certainly being a rescuer.  What do I lose by denying the costs of these behaviors?

I lose the opportunity to experience being loved and accepted for who I am rather than what I do.  At some level, when I rescue, I believe I'm earning the love of another and deserve it.  When I don't get what I expect, I can become resentful.  I also believe that I might be abandoned or pushed aside if I don't prove my worth and value to you.  I might tell myself you’d suffer if I didn’t help you, but perhaps on a deeper level I believe you wouldn’t want to be with me if I didn’t help you.   I miss out on trusting in the freely given gift of your love and commitment to me. What a big loss.

Today, I choose to surrender this fear of abandonment and trust that I am a person of worth and value.  There is no need to prove my worth; I can relax and accept the gift of love you offer me.  Even if you have a temper tantrum when I set a boundary, I will calm my fear of being alone and quiet the impulse to give in to you.  I will remind myself that I deserve to be respected, cherished, and loved for the treasure that I am and you deserve the opportunity to empower yourself.

I Am Limited

I am limited and need boundaries.  It’s a fact of life I like to deny.  At times, I can overwork, overspend, overeat, over express, over care, over react, overdo ‘it’ and end up suffering the consequences from my failure to self-regulate.  Most often, my lack of balance is due to moving mindlessly through the day.

Today, I choose to mindfully recognize when a limit would be helpful.  I will remain aware of my body and the valuable information it is giving me.  I will listen to my heart and take time to hear what I need.  I will pay attention to others reactions to my behavior and notice when there is disconnect.  Rather than avoiding or denying what I discover, I will acknowledge it and take some type of action to alleviate the stress.  Setting limits for me increases my empowerment rather than diminishing it.  Saying no to me at times can really be about saying yes.

  

Trusting the Process

When unexpected things happen that challenge me to remain positive, it helps to remember the many, many times I have experienced the transformation of negative events eventually into positive crossroads.  With time, experience and reflection, I find often what appears to be tragedy and the darkest night brings with it the greatest opportunity for growth and change.  Those things I am most grateful for now are the very things that I once cursed.  Strange…

I want to remember when I face moments of disappointment and hopelessness that there may be more to the story than I am seeing right now and fortunately it isn't over.  I will give life, myself, and others a chance to unfold.  I do believe all things work for good to those who live in love and trust there is a bigger picture than this moment.

The Gift of Mothering

As I reflect on the honoring of mothers, I am mindful of those who have had an impact on my life.  Some of the mothering I have experienced has nurtured and supported me into being and some of it has wounded and caused distress.  I've discovered a legacy of shame, fear, and grief that was passed through the generations from mother to mother until my mother finally handed it off to me.  However, I refuse to pass on this legacy any further.  I am resolved, it stops here.  I release it back to my maternal ancestors with forgiveness and understanding. 

Today, I hear the echo of their hearts telling me to let it go and giving me permission to create a new legacy of compassion, happiness, and self-acceptance.  I feel gratitude for the many mothers the universe has provided who have offered moments of nourishing, challenging, healing, protecting, teaching, encouraging, embracing, accepting, calling me forward in to life and believing in me.  This is the legacy I am striving to pass on to those whose lives I influence.  

Creating Meaningful Connection

When confronted by someone who is angry, hurt or disappointed in me and something I've said or done, it is so easy to spiral down to a frightened, dis-empowered, rejected space.  Then, there is no possibility of resolution, clarification, connection, or communication.  I either move to fighting back, becoming paralyzed or running away.  This has been a pattern for far too long and I regret the many relationships I have damaged or left behind due to my inability to lower my reactive responses. 

Today, when moments of difficulty arise in relationship I choose to remind myself that I am safe now and able to remain grounded in my ‘enough-ness’.  If I am being disrespected I will protect myself by seting boundaries and insisting on respectful communication.  I will set an intention to understand and create space to listen deeply.  I want to clarify the perceptions of the other person that are causing their reaction and validate their experience, even if I disagree with their interpretation of the facts.  I will imagine a barrier in front of me that protects me from any aggressive energy and concentrate on being curious about what is being said.   Only after the other person acknowledges they feel heard, will I communicate my own thoughts, feelings, and needs about what’s being said.  I know that when I am upset this is what I need from the person I’m confronting.  So I will offer what I would want. 

Then, I will trust that together we will find a way to take accountability for our own pieces in the misunderstanding and co-create a bridge of connection and deeper respect for one another.  I will have gratitude that the other person had the courage to encounter me and valued our relationship enough to not just walk away.  I will appreciate my own willingness to show up and reaffirm my desire to create peaceful, enduring relationships.  Conflict isn't easy but it's definitely manageable if I breathe, soothe myself, and remain present.

Mindful Self Talk

I often find myself saying things to myself that I would never say to someone else.  When I do something I judge as inadequate, I would never say to another person, “You are so stupid, you’ll never get it right.”  When I say something that I regret, I certainly wouldn't tell someone “You have such a big mouth, can’t you keep it shut?”   When I’m frustrated that someone else isn't giving me what I want I wouldn't say “You are such a selfish ______”.   Yet I easily condemn and bad mouth myself. 

Today I choose to be mindful of the words and thoughts I say to myself.  I will treat myself with the compassion, understanding and good will I often offer to others.  I will imagine I am addressing a frightened child who needs to be held and reassured.   When I hear disrespectful thoughts surfacing I will challenge them and patiently forgive myself recognizing it takes time to change a long standing habit.  

I will surround myself with loving kindness.  

Practicing Acceptance

So much of my irritation and frustration with others is connected to my own inability to forgive myself.  I so easily can see in others what I refuse to see in myself.  Today, I choose to practice radical acceptance; acceptance of my own perceived failures and mistakes, acceptance of my reactivity and poor judgments, acceptance of what others have done and my hurt over what I assume to be intended injury.  I realize that most of us are trying to do the best we can and very few people actually have hurt me on purpose.  I choose to accept the feelings and needs I have, even those that are hard to acknowledge.  I value authenticity and its impossible to foster it without acceptance of myself. 
May this day be filled with moments of consciously choosing to accept and forgive.

Showing Up

Am I showing up for myself when I allow others to treat me disrespectfully or rudely? 

Am I present to my own needs when I engage in behaviors that cause me distress? 

Am I available to myself when I cram my daily schedule full of activity and 

leave myself no time to breathe and be?

Today, I choose to slow down.  I will mindfully decide what my priorities are for this day.  I will acknowledge my feelings and attend to my needs, taking time to listen within as I move forward.  I will speak up and communicate my concerns when someone else treats me in a way that isn't okay with me.  I will set necessary boundaries and show myself respect.  When I have compassion for myself first, then I am able to embrace others with an open and caring heart.